Player or No player????

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Player or No player????
51
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 11:45pm

If I looked in the dictionary I bet his picture would be beside the word Player.

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 4:36pm

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 6:01pm

UHG -

Yeah, I was in a pretty good mood when I wrote that scenario :-) Sad thing is, i could just see it happening...

Yep - I thought about the ole tire slash move (I did it once to an exboyfriend when I was in high school - I'm ashamed to say!!), but luckily, I think I'm past hating him quite that much :-)

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Unfortunatley, he does! I can't tell you how much that sucks!

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What a creep! What rock did these jerks crawl out from under? Kinda makes ya wonder what the hell we saw in them in the first place. You know, xOM and I became "friends" via email & phone conversations (through work). We didn't meet face to face until about a month later - and I rememeber thinking the first time I saw him, "Oh good - I'm not physically attracted to him!" Wish I had walked away then!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 7:01pm

Diva,


<<<<<"Oh good - I'm not physically attracted to him!" Wish I had walked away then!>>>>


Much is said for first impressions. Unfortunately for me, the first time I met XMM, a tingle ran down my spine. It took another 10 years before we acted on it, and then 5 years of emotional mania (affairs are not the answer).

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 9:06pm

True -

Thanks for the support!

Yeah - I wish I had listened to my gut reaction on that one! It's funny, we got along so well over email and phone calls...and yes, I'll admit we flirted quite a bit with each other, but he knew I was married and so we both thought it was harmless! I was so nervous when we agreed to finally meet face to face. I felt like a high school teenager! But I seriously remember thinking how GLAD I was that I was not physically attracted to him - I figured, "Oh good, now we really can be JUST FRIENDS"...but by the end of the night, all I was thinking about was, "I wonder if he's a good kisser!" STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! I wish I had never agreed to meet him that day...it would have saved me alot of pain...lesson learned!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 1:48pm

Oh Girlfriend,


You are writing my whole A over again.

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 2:51pm

Oh Gosh - Where to start???

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Kind of a long story, but here goes...H is a great guy - everything I ever wanted in fact. The best, most healthy relationship I have eveer had w/ a man! So why did I get involved in the A? I'm still trying to figure that one out (in therapy!).

It was about a month before our 1 year anniversary (how sad is that???). I was at work and this guy (now refered to as xOM) called to see if our theatre would donate tickets to a fundraiser his company was having (he also worked for a non-profit organization). At first I was irritated, because I get calls like this all the time, so I asked him to just fax me some info and I would get back with him. So he did, and then he called me the next day to see if I got the info he sent. I said I did and that I would donate the tix. I asked if I should put the envelope attention to him - and that's how it began! We ended up talking for an hour about how nice it was to get mail that was directed specifically to you. About how it made you feel special and important. I have a cordless phone in my office and the battery died, and cut us off. I felt bad, so I sent him an email and apologized. He wrote back, I responded, and THIS continued for about 3 weeks! We talked about everything and anything - from what types of music we listened to (we had the same favorite band) to why Pringles should get a better looking mascot (one of my favorites). He told me all about how he didn't want to ever get married - didn't want to be tied down. Never told a girl he loved her - was the "confirmed bachelor" type. (this will be important later on)

Anyway, we were both at work late one day and he called me and asked me if I wanted to meet for drinks and watch a baseball game (his fav team was playing my fav team). I said sure because my H was going to be at work late that night. We met - I didn't find him attractive (although he told me I was EXACTLY his type), but we had a REALLY good time. He walked me to my car and 5 minutes after we had left each other he called me. I told him I felt weird because I really had wanted him to kiss me and I knew that that was wrong. He said he really wanted to kiss me, but felt the same way. The next day, we spoke and ended up meeting after work. We were sitting down talking and all of a sudden he looked down and said, "Oh geez, I'm sorry, I didn't even realize I was doing that" - I looked down and he was holding my hand. I remember we stood outside near my car and just hugged for what seemed like hours. When we finally left each other, he called me again and we talked for about an hour. He said he felt weird because he was having all these weird feelings that he shouldn't be having - I said I felt the same way. He sent me an email later that night. I still have it...here is an excerpt:

"This is so weird. I just left the theatre...and I really don't remember
wanting to kiss someone so much. Maybe it's you, maybe it's the situation...probably both - but more you. Not to be all 19 year old boy but it scares me a little...I completely understand if you feel a need to end this thing. I feel so wrong right now. It's frustrating. I have never missed anyone. The person I do miss, I miss because she's going on vacation with her husb. I am rambling, you seem to do that to me.

G-d I hope you remember and realize what a great thing you have with your husband and don't want to ruin it while spending four days snuggled up with him (starting to hate saying that) in Mexico. I miss you, that's so weird. I haven't figured out if I hate the feeling or not."

Anyway, my anniversary vacation was great...excpet that I kept thinking about xOM. It was really weird. 2 days after I came back, we met for drinks after work. That was the first time he kissed me. After that, it was a million phone calls and emails a day. He would email me at 7:30am (when he got to work) to say Good morning. I would call him at 8am when I got up & H left for work. We would then talk for my entire half hour commute to work. We would meet for luch everyday and coffee or drinks after work every day and then talk again for my half hour commute home. After about a month, he finally told me he loved me. We both cried. He told me I was the only girl he ever pictured himself spending the rest of his life with....and all of this before IC!! Anyway...that's how it all started!

As far as your situation goes...maybe you should tell this new guy that Sunshine was a name that you had for someone very close to you. I don't think you need to disclose any details, but if you think this might be going somewhere, you should probably say something.

Something must be in the air - I'm having a bad day too. I was driving to work and "our song" came on the radio. Without thinking, I dialed xOM's cell #!! My cell # is blocked (always ahs been & xOM knows this). HE ANSWERED HIS PHONE! It was at that point I realized what I had done and hung up. He sounded good - happy...I don't know if that is because he thought it was me, or maybe because he thought it was someone else. I feel like I'm in regression mode today :-(

Sorry this was so long!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 3:44pm

Diva,


The more you tell me about your situation the more I'm convinced our A's were a lot alike!

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 4:38pm

Thanks UHG! I hate these kinds of days. I've been doing so good lately. Hearing his voice really set me back. My fault! Now I can't stop wondering why the he11 he sounded so gosh darn happy! And does he think it was me who called? Bleh - I need to just stop it!

I have to tell you that I have been thinking alot about what the psychic told me. I know it's stupid, but I can't get it out of my head. I think it is because every single relationship I have ever been in (except the one w/ H - we have been together since our first date!) has been on again, off again. Now the thought of xOM coming back into my life again and wanting to "reunite" scares the heck out of me. I know I can't dwell on it (especially because she said it will happen in Feb), but I just can't stop wondering!

Do you ever wonder what happened? I mean - how these guys went from being so amazing to such creeps? Again, something I need to let go, but it still bothers me that xOM thought after being in love with me, that he could just shut off his feelings and be my "bed buddy"! What is that all about?? I mean, yeah, the sex was amazing, but part of what made it amazing was that connection! Bleh! I'm just having one of those days!!!!!!!!!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Fri, 12-10-2004 - 2:14pm

Diva,


I think you and I could be really good friends.

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Fri, 12-10-2004 - 2:48pm

UHG -

Ok, I've been fighting back tears all day long, but reading your post just let them loose. You have been such a great friend to me recently. I can't tell you how much that means to me. Especially since you have your own 'hell' to deal with - the support you have given me has been amazing!!

After I write this, I am definitley going to read that thread!

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Not sure if I believe in psychics...I've been to a few who have told me things that never came true - others that have. I guess I believe that we all have some sort of 'intuition' about the future...I guess I'm freaked out because this person was recommeded to me by someone else. I checked up on her on a website that rates these sorts of people and 4500 people said she was fantatsic! That's a lot of people!! I don't know if I would be willing to divorce H. But that was part of the reason xOM & I broke up - he didn't think I would, or thought if I did I would regret it and go back to him. The problem is...I truly don't know what I want right now.

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I agree - and am trying to see things from his perspective. You're right - I AM an extremely emotional person. He use to tell me that he wasn't comfortable with emotions so he would put a wall up to protect himself...I guess I never thought I would be on the OUTSIDE of the wall!

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My therapist said those exact words to me this week!! Trying to believe it! I have been in crappy relationships with me my entire life - starting w/ my father who was never there for me (divorced my mom when I was 2 - in and out of my life from 6 - 12 then we didn't speak until about a year ago - I'm 28!!). I've spent most of my life looking outside for someone else to fill that void - now I know I need to look within.

It's weird...I've been feeling so utterly lonely the past few days. H works ALOT of hours, and being an only child, you would think I would like being on my own. I do usually, but lately I have been remembereing how when xOM & I were together...no one and nothing else existed or mattered. It was just the two of us in the entire world...and that was all we needed.

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I'm so sorry that you had such a difficult marriage. I can't even imagine what your life must have been like.

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My H is a wonderful man - goodlooking, smart, funny, sweet, financially well-off, great career - the typical 'nice guy'. I had never had one of 'those' before :-) But as great as he is, he isn't good w/ communication. We rarely speak during the day because he is so busy at work (xOM & I spoke a million times a day), he forgets things that are important to me, he doesn't pay attention to the little things (xOM knows what brand and SHADE of lipstick I wear). I get 90% of what I need from H, but the 10% I got from xOM...was the 10% I dreamed about...

Diva