Player or No player????

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Player or No player????
51
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 11:45pm

If I looked in the dictionary I bet his picture would be beside the word Player.

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 1:40am

Hey Diva,


I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry!

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 2:12am

HI again UHG, was going through your post and want to say you have been through a lot both with your marriage and this player(yes I would call him just that). And you are a very strong person, you will make it, keep with it.

If your friend does not want to trust your opinion let her be. You are better off without him and she has a lesson to learn.

*I'm not letting him have anymore power, he's had it long enough.*

In fact its just what I feel about my A.
My OM has gone to the extent of actually telling me about a year ago that he met someone else and wants to marry her. Just like that, out of the blue. And another time, he just told me his mother has found a woman for him to marry ( in his community they have arranged marriages ) and so.. he cant talk to me anymore. And was terribly rude to me. So, since he was single, I let him go both times, graciously because I did not want to be in the way of his future etc.. Now listen to this..After each of these episodes, which was about 1 year apart, about 2 weeks later he says he loves me and has changed his mind and that he misses me and that he cant get me out of his head. What do you make of that???? And me, foolish in love, accepted him back both times. He never responds to my invites to go out, meet up once in a while, but if my H is out of town, wants to come right over.
In between all this, he chats online with me, which is probably to know what my situation is where H is concerned. A friend on these boards said he is a Narcissist. And I think yes he is, he has really played me for a fool. Am I right or wrong here?

Hugs and god bless
Trish

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Sun, 12-12-2004 - 2:11am

Thanks Trish, I appreciate the good support!

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Sun, 12-12-2004 - 9:28pm

<<>>

Thanks UHG!!

Trish - UHG is right (not just about me LOL). There are some amazing people who post and reply here. The support and understanding is overwhelming. I don't know what I would have done if I had not found this board!

Some people will give tough love, others are there to offer a shoulder to cry on, but whatever the case, it all comes from love (and experience)!!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 3:11am

HI UHG
Yes yes I have finally sent him THE last letter yesterday. A short and firm note saying that I want to end the relationship.

I had a big opportunity to have him over for the next week since my husband is out of town. He used to talk about it with me and ask wehn is husb leaving?? He wanted to come over obviously.. Not to meet me, go out, have a drink or a coffee together, see a movie BUT come over .. he always had an excuse not to meet me otherwise and kept the conversations on the net or the phone. AS much as I would rant and rave and even sulk at times he wouldnt turn a hair, he just said -
~~ thats the way i am, i wont change for anyone ~~~
So due to this, we broke up about 5 - 6 times over 2 years and i gave in everytime to him when he called and said he missed me..

So I thought that the best way to end this was to do the break up while husband was away, that way I feel that I have been strong enough to resist the temptation of calling OM over see?

I have found a good site with the explanation of Narcissist.. http://www.angelfire.com/ego/narcissism/women.html
Take a look at it..ohh i can scream, he really did treat me like this, so many examples here... I am the biggest stupid in the world..
you take care UHG and get happy soon ok?
hugs
Trish

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 3:17am

HI Diva the cool chic... :-)
Yes this board has helped me soooo much.. there is Posie and Free who have supported me a great deal as well..
I feel such a sense of relief because I have made a step towards the right direction, I did yesterday something I have been wanting to do for 1.5 years but its dragged and dragged with no one to talk to or fall back on for advice and help and love and yes a shoulder to cry on.
Hugs and best wishes
Trish

you know what.. i am just getting used to these boards haveing been here about a week and i am posting in many places and now i find it hard to look for replies, i went to the outline view finally and it helped, is there another way?? when I click on the messages only to me in my favourite boards page, it takes me to a totally different thread.. so tell me ok? :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 11:09am

Trish,

<<>>

Congrats!! Be proud of your accomplishments and how far you have come. I'm learing that everyone has different 'time tables' and only you know what they are!

As far as the boards go - I usually view them in the 'regular' way...I wasn't even aware of the outline view until recently, so I am afraid I am no help there :-(!!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 11:51am
Not a problem Diva I will also view them the same way then.. just looking for shortcuts lazy me :-)
trish
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 2:10am

Trish


<>


I am so proud of you.

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 2:57am
UHG I have been feeling so low today, but your mail has honestly made me feel better. Yes its the hardest thing I have done, and i have been hoping he will atleast sms me, whether it is a good one or a bad one, but I know it would be better if he didnt, because this time he wil not get any response from me. Enough of being the victim of his self-centred approach to things. How in the world did i put up with it? oh yessss i was "in love" with him. Fool me.. hehe if i could turn back the clock --- i gues i would have done it anyway LOL..
Its really good talking to you, you are really like a friend to me. I feel thrilled for you, you are meeting another man, he sent flowers... he sounds nice ..have a great meeting with him.. tell us all about it, well whatever u want to impart.. ;-)
Yes about that Narcissist link, a lot of points described my OM or now i should say xOM.. since I have "dumped" him. There were a few parts that were not true, but otherwise yes it described him to the T. How blind we get when we are in love. I totally empathise with you.. and know what you must have gone through. Hugsss, anyway its over now and we will get past it. Please tell when you change the Username..
Yes, be happy.. you have the future waiting for you, and I read in a book recently a quote that went like this -" Every second that you dwell in the past, you take away from your future... "
so I am trying to do that.. but it takes a lotttttt..
I will be strong
love
Trish