Player or No player????

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Player or No player????
51
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 11:45pm

If I looked in the dictionary I bet his picture would be beside the word Player.

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 3:08pm

Hey ladies,

I've been lurking on this thread for a while and decided to jump in with a question since you are so great at answering.

When it comes to this board, I find it extremely helpful and supportive, but every now and then, it just hits me to read it. Do you ever have that problem?

For example, there is a post on here today titled "Miss the spooning." Man, when I read that, I instantly flashed back to one of the days that xMM and I spent together -- basically in bed the whole day -- when we cuddled and talked and all the other intimate and emotional stuff that comes with that.

Tears! It hit me square in the heart how much I miss him. I miss the way he smells, I miss our conversations, I miss that connection.

I was wondering if I'm the only one who has that problem. Sometimes, especially when a new poster logs on, those stories just kill me.

Just curious about your opinions! Thanks, Shel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 3:41pm

Shel,

<<>>

THANK G-D I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!! I have been crying all day! We have had NC for almost 4 weeks. Yesterday I was feeling so low, I called him. He didn't answer, I didn't leave a message, he didn't call back. Today, I feel worse.

I keep trying to remind myself of how crappy he has been to me since we broke up...but somehow, the good memories always end up taking over. I want to hate him. I don't want to think about him.

I thought after 4 weeks, I would be feeling a whole lot better than I am. Somedays I'm ok, but not a day goes by that I don't think about him - or wonder if he thinks about me. I'm so sick of it!! I'm sick of feeling weak and pathetic. Obviously, xOM no longer wants to be with me, so why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want me?? How sick is that?? I have an amazing H at home who worships the ground I walk on - WHAT THE HE11 IS WRONG WITH ME???

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 4:08pm

<<<<<<>>>>>>

Diva, ladies, if you can answer this question for me, I will worship the ground you walk on.

It has been two months (as of yesterday) two loooong months since we started NC. Do I think about him every freaking day? YES! Do I miss him like crazy? YES! Would I puddle at his feet if he came back for me? Most likely, YES!

So what is my problem? I have a great H., an incredible kid, a good job and pretty much anything I want. Why do I want someone who so obviously doesn't want me. He sure as heck knows where I am, and could come find me anytime he wanted. I'm not waiting for the knock on the door.

At some point, this assertive, aggressive, "gets what she wants" woman was overtaken by something very powerful. I still can't seem to shake it. That's the part I don't understand the most, how did he get so deep inside my heart that I literally can't get rid of him?

Until I can answer THAT question, this recovery continues. Seems like it's going to be a long journey.

Oddly enough, I watched an old episoide of Sex in the City recently. One of the characters believes that it takes exactly half the time you were in the relationship to get over it. I was in my A. for two-and-a-half years. That means it will take me at least a year to recover. PUKE, but at least it's an end date to hang on to!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 4:28pm

<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I ask myself the same question everyday. I also have a great husband, son, dog, cat and I still was so selfish as to have an A. I also still think about my OM every freaking day and night and even though i know that like you said, i don't know why i obviously want someone who doesn't want me back.
As far as wanting an answer to what is wrong with you~ the answer i guess is that "you are human" we all make mistakes and as humans we tend to want things that aren't necessarily the best for us.Especially the things we can't have.But this too will pass!(i got this advice from a great friend of mine and try to remember it everyday.)
I know that as much as i want him, even just for that addictive pleasure of the A, it is so much better to respect myself for once and be true to what i know also respects me in a way that my OM never did.
Thanks for giving me a time frame perspective on how long it will take to shake these feelings!
~luv Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 5:20pm

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 6:00pm

You should change your name to "positive girl!" Excellent post!

When I was 18, what I thought was the love of my life left me to be with someone else. No one on the planet could have known the heartbreak I went through, or so I thought. Two months later I met the man who would eventually become my husband.

My H. and I were great friends for a long time before we dated, but that entire time was one of the happiest in my life. The friendship, the dating, our marriage -- all of it was pretty great up until I almost ruined it all.

That's what I want back. I want to return to that marriage. It's still there, lurking beneath this turmoil. My H. hasn't changed. He's still the same, dependable, fun guy. I'm the one who has to wend my way back to him. But, I'm determined to do it.

Thanks for reminding me, Girl! THIS is why I like this board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 7:27pm

Shel - I know I have said this to you MANY times before, but seriously, we are leading the same life!!!

<<>>

I was 18 when I met my xfiance. We were together for 6 long horrible years, but I "loved" him and was determined to make it work. He finally ended things (pretty sure he was cheating on me) and I was devestated!! I thought I would never be in love again. 2 months later, I met my now H. We too started out as friends. Someone I enjoyed talking too - our first date was magic - and we have been together ever since.

<<>>

AMEN SISTER!! I think that's been one of the hardest things for me to deal with - why on earth I got involved in the A when my life was so great. Why would I risk everything?? How could I do that to not only myself, but my H???

<<>>

Reading this made me realize the same thing. It's ME who has changed...and not for the better. The reasons I fell in love w/H and married him are still there. The reasons I fell in love w/xOM and almost ruined my marriage, are not.

I had a T session today and cried alot over xOM. My T had a good point - she said, are you upset because you lost xOM as a man, or are you upset because you feel rejected and abandoned (I have abandonment issues from childhood)... it really made me think. It was only a few hours ago, so it's still sinking in, but I think she was right!!

Anyhow - UHG, I think Shel is right about the name change :-) I can't thank you enough for being there for me and supportive. You have so many positives going on in your life right now - I am so happy for you and so proud at how far you have come. It gives me something to aspire too!! And PS - the yellow roses he sent were a definite plus!! I like him already :-)

Thanks for being there for me you guys!!!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 7:42pm

PS - That whole thing about it taking half as long to get over as how long you were in it deal is horse puckey! I was in the A for 4 months and we have been broken up for just over 4 months and I'm still dealing with the crappy feelings! I don't want to burst anyone's bubble - let's hope I'm the exception to the rule!! :-)

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 12:05am

Your very welcome Shel, my pleasure!


Sometimes we just have to be reminded of who we were before them.

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 12:24am

<>


You welcome Diva, but I know it's nothing you wouldn't have done for me too!

sc