playing the victim
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| Sat, 06-12-2004 - 8:07pm |
My works has been suffering & he's right about the victim thing. I wasn't completely aware of it until he said it. We've been "lean" since the economy downturn about 3 years ago & we all are doing more with less, less money, less staff, etc. I guess I was getting burned out & trying to do too much on my own & started feeling sorry for myself & in some unconscious or maybe conscious way started the "victim" thing in some weird cry for help, instead of just asking for help, for crying out loud.
And I'm no little ninny. I'm the VP of a small company, worked there for 20 years and I have an advanced degree and a professional license.
This conversation has started me thinking on when I started playing the victim. Maybe I always have on some level. I married Mr. Wrong, but I had 2 wonderful kids so that redeemed that mistake.
I had the affair with the MM, and felt helpless to stop myself (hello Miss "victim"). When I ended the A more than a year ago, I felt SO strong and powerful & free (NOT a victim). But throughout my career, I've often felt overwhelmed & put upon at work with no options but to keep plowing forward. Victim victim victim ...
My current boyfriend is a great guy and I'm in love with him. He's a year divorced, we started dating immediately after the divorce, his Ex got remarried within 6 mos. (ouch) and he's suffering his own adjustment issues. I regularly feel hurt by what I perceive to be his taking me for granted. VICTIM!! He's got stuff he MUST work out for his life before our relationship can really deepen. He's doing the best he can to include me while he does that.
I read an article that just identifying what you're doing when you do it, can help break you of the victim habit. So everytime you feel hurt, angry, overwhelmed -- stop and acknowledge to yourself "I am playing the victim here." don't TRY to stop, just acknowledge it. The self awareness helps you realize playing the victim doesn't get you anywhere & you eventually give up on that tactic.
I'm working it now. My BF is on a fishing trip with his daughters. I was a little hurt not to be included VICTIM! and that he hasn't called me today. Victim! I swear it's working & I'm feeling more in charge and less "poor me."
Think about how we all felt in our affairs & in trying the end them. Maybe you can identify. Maybe this will help you as well.
