Please give your thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Please give your thoughts
3
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 7:26am

First I'll say, I don't think affairs work. Both parties involved eventually get hurt or seperate. My question is. Can a man be so smitten with a woman enotionally that he begs and pleads to have her in his life, for fun conversation, occasional lunches, and in his eyes, plans for the future.

I have been in communication with a man for almost 4 years now. We are both married, and my husband knows of the times I spent with this man. Over time I tried many times to tell him that I can't do an "affair thing" anymore because I am not a player and I am not leaving my husband. This guy always comes back to me telling me that---He will do whatever it takes (short of him leaving his marriage - mind you we both stated we won't do that), wait however long it would take for me to let him into my life again. He can't let me go, cause he cares and loves me too much, he is sad when I tell him that I can't do the "affair thing". It's almost like he has some kind of emotional attachment to me and my personality and my kindness, I'm sure it is from what he is lacking at home. He states that he doesn't want to me ever leave my marriage because he would be afraid I would find another in my life and he would not have me.

He told me that as a child he was abused and a victim of an alcoholic dad and I know he has some insecurities about him. But I can't understand how one woman could make an impact upon one man so much that he would beg and plead time and time again to have her in his life. I love my husband and my marriage is good, but I also care greatly for this guy.

Over the course of these 4 years have I fell victim to a very insecure man, that is desperate for some kind of love, whether it be emotional or physical? He has never ever hurt me in any way, other than me being upset because of mixed feelings I have produced over this time. He and I come from different walks of life, we never from the start promised that we would ever leave our spouses, ever want to make turmoil in each other lives. We just "fell in love" with each other.

I'm not a player, I think I'm just an emotional hold for someone very insecure. What do you think.

Thanks for your input.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 7:37am

Fresh

I think your right, his interest in you cannot be called healthy, close to being Narrsistic by the sound of it, sorry but I firmly believe that it is unhealthy for you both and your marriages for you to allow this relationship to continue, he needs to get professional help if he has this problem and you may want to consider what your getting out of this as well.

JMHO

Free

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 8:00am
I agree. This man definitely has some kind of unhealthy attachment to a woman that he cannot have. I say to stop trying to figure out his psychological problems and move on.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 9:48pm

Thank you for the input. Sometimes I feel sad for him, if he is "starved" for some kind of love and attention. But then I remind myself that it's still an affair and it's wrong.

Thanks again