Please have patience with me today...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Please have patience with me today...
5
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 1:36pm
I'm in kind of a wierd space, I guess. I feel extremely "melancholy;" that's the best word I can think of for the feeling. DH left on a business trip for the rest of the week and my mom left for home this morning (she only lives about 1 1/2 hours away but she spent the weekend with us and I LOVE having her here). I even miss my kiddos, and they'll be home from school in a few hours. UGH! PMS? For sure.

Well, my office is less than a mile from home, so I ran home at lunchtime to get something healthy to eat (I gorged myself on ice cream cake yesterday) and I happened to see something I wish I "hadnta." I've been seeing this particular car parked by my across the street neighbor's house occasionally for about a year. I happened to notice in the past that a man always leaves her house and gets into it. I'm not snooping, mind you, I've just happened to see him a few times. So today I got home for lunch and I saw him dash out her back door (which is really on the side of the house), hop into his car and take off. I also saw the blinds in her kitchen open seconds after he pulled away. I guess I put all my 40+ years of experience together to conclude that this is an A!

So this bothers me because I'm thinking, hey, if she can do it, why can't I????? Crazy, irrational, and unreasonable, I know. That was just my thought and I need to share it with you all. And of course she knows her secret is safe with me because she saw OMM coming and going from my house during the day all the time...

UGH! Help me get a grip on these hormones!!!! Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:21pm
Big hugs, Mo. We all have our days of pure craziness....and the hormonal ones are the worst!!! because it does seem to damper one's spirits. Of course, we can ALL pull off affairs...IF we want to. But the difference is, we are now on the other side of it....and once you pull back the fantasy of it, what is it really? Just people being emotionally dishonest with themselves and with others. This doesn't mean that its not hard to maintain...and as I said in another post, if he emailed me, I would probably fall back into him in a heartbeat....but I don't think it would last as long. I just could not live with all the ups and downs and really, I want to be as emotionally honest with myself and with others, because I believe, that only that way can one attain happiness.
Avatar for crystal_clr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:46pm
Yeah, funny how you can feel so together one day and the next day it all just goes out the window.

One thing that helps me is recognizing what it is that makes me feel 'together' and in control. When I'm in a slump I force myself to work through some of the items on the list and it really does help. It definitely starts with an orderly environment, nothing brings you down more than chaos, also time with friends, exercise, looking good, creating something - baking, gardening, painting, getting out in the sunshine, etc., getting something done that I've been putting off. Anything that makes you feel accomplished. As you have pointed out, it all starts with the feeling of a void - so basically anything that makes you feel fulfilled will help.

One more thing to think about...perception is everything. Yes, many of us feel a void. How do we turn this around? Do we try to fill the void in healthy ways, OR do we deal with the perception. Maybe another person living our life would be perfectly happy - maybe its to do with our attitude. Not sure, just something to think about...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:50pm
There must be something in the stars, because I've been having a tough time for the past 24 hours and I've no idea why. I find myself just desperate to feel SOME connection to the XOM again, so I've been looking up his work website, looking up our professional association's job site (because I know he is looking to change jobs soon), looking anywhere I can think of, just to get a glimpse into his life again. I feel absolutely pathetic, and hate myself for it. It's weird how I can swing so wildly from feeling so confident, so over him -- to THIS pathetic display. :( Well, I *am* pms'ing, so at least there's that excuse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 3:20pm
Hi Mo. I had a really tough week last week with PMS and hormone issues. I did a lot of really stupid things last Monday that i deeply regret--that involve xMM--that i am trying to figure out ways to cover up now! I never had PMS until after the birth of my second child. It's really miserable. I've been good for about a year with it--as my doctor put me on anti-depressants (which i am now weaning myself off of). Once in a while, that old hormonal thing creeps up and i do really stupid things.

I think, for today, just give yourself the space and peace of mind that you, perhaps, aren't thinking as you normally would, because you are perhaps not at your best physical self. That's what i try and do anyway. When the PMS creeps up I usually give myself the day off from making important decisions or having important interactions. (I totally blew this last Monday, because when you are in the throes of PMS, you just don't see that is why you are acting so irrationally).

You are probably envious somewhat of your neighbor, that she is in the middle of her A and hasn't (yet) had to go through all that we've gone through on this board. Seeing her, and her man dash out, only brought back some of those memories, when things were simplier and the A was new and rich and held promise.

I am thinking of you today.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 4:26pm
Thank you all soo much for your responses! My plan at this point is to get through the rest of the work day without causing any harm, get my DD10 to her dance class and get myself to an NA meeting! That will help me get some balance and serenity in my life for sure, always does. When I get home I'll do an hour or so of yoga, then TRY to get to bed at a reasonable hour so I don't wind up like last night... Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10