Please help...
Find a Conversation
Please help...
| Sat, 02-20-2010 - 5:14am |
I'm new and am hurting bad - this is very long...
out.
Thank you for your help.
Edited 3/19/2010 2:28 am ET by msjanalyn
| Sat, 02-20-2010 - 5:14am |
I'm new and am hurting bad - this is very long...
out.
Thank you for your help.
welcome to EAS msjanalyn. i am sorry you are hurting so bad. i don't have the experience to address your specific situation about meeting with xap's wife, but i'm sure there are other ladies here who do. my only thought on that is that i would hope his wife would be gracious and understanding with you---as it appears that she knows what it is to be the "other woman." casting blame aside, you have both been hurt by the same man.
what strikes me about your post is that you seem so devastated and without a sense of self right now. you are somebody precious. you are a worthwhile human being. you have made mistakes--we all do, it is the human condition. if you are feeling so low that you are having thoughts of suicide, call someone. NOW.
yes, the pain of a lost love---even if it was "just" an affair--is intense, but it doesn't last forever, msjanalyn. there is healing to be had. come here and draw strength from the women who have walked this path before you and have not only survived it, but have thrived and found joy in their lives.
welcome.
lillie
Dear MSjanalyn,
First I would like to welcome you to our community. Your story was painful to read but I have to say that although affairs are not unique, your story is. I've been on these boards for almost 6 years now and I have never read of one that has all of the makings yours does. With that said, I am not sure what advice I can offer other than to say I am sorry for everything you have had to endure.
I can only imagine how anxious you are in having to meet XMM's wife but this is the time you will have to step up to the plate and take whatever is thrown at you. I would be a nervous wreck too, and facing the person who's life we have devastated may seem frightening to you, but it apparently it is something this woman needs to do for putting her life back together again and you do owe her that. It doesn't matter if she, herself, was once the OW or not. She is now his W, and you need to respect her position.
Your XMM, IMO, has apparently done this before if he is on his 4th M. He is obviously skilled in seducing younger women and uses them to fatten his ego. It would have been only a matter of time before he cut you loose because I doubt a 60 year old man would want another M at this time in his life. Also, the fact that you came clean to your H says you knew this wasn't going to last either.
I would suggest that you read everything you can on this forum, especially the healing library located toward the bottom of the main page. You are still emotionally attached to XMM and this is hurting you more than you realize. It's time to let this man go. Your family had been put through enough pain and now your needs have to be put on the back burner for as long as it takes to repair the damage your A has caused. Are you in counseling? If not, this is something you need to do for yourself.
Again, welcome to EAS, and we are here to help you get through this rough patch, and will be for however long you need us.
((Hugs))
~ Iddy~
~Iddy~
Iddy,
Thank you for your reply, thank you for your kind words.
I have to respectfully disagree with others and to say that you owe your xMM wife nothing and should refuse meeting her.
Spare yourself that pain, you won't be able to give her a closure she seeks, and will feel even more guilty thinking how much pain you have inflicted upon her when you will meet her - a real woman in flesh and blood, human being with feelings just like you, just like we all are.
What's done - can't be undone, and as a grown woman she has to deal with it the best way she can, and you won't be able to help her.
It's really a time to put it all behind you, 6 months is a long time to still suffer the way you do. Your healing should be all about YOU. Maybe you should seek therapy to put things in prospective. Your story is really a heartbreaking one, and my heart goes out to you.
XOXO
Gone
Msjanalyn,
You know, I was hoping for your sake that she would cancel. I can only imagine this is very difficult for her too and was actually surprised she even wanted such a meeting. You've gotten a reprieve and that should take some stress off of you. Why she wanted to talk to you after all this time is a little strange to me too. Perhaps her H is acting distant again and she is trying desperately to hold onto him. You did say they were in M counseling, and there has to have been good reason for it.
<>
Honey, don't be afraid to live your life. Putting ourselves in our own personal little prison after an A is no different than actually being in one, KWIM? Getting back to living life as normal as possible, is the only road to becoming healthy again. No one should have such power as to shrink our world. You must reclaim it and hold your head up high even if you have to pretend for a while. Eventually you will come to an understanding within yourself that you are only human, and humans make mistakes. None of us are perfect and our maker already knows this.
I am so happy that you are in counseling. I couldn't imagine you going through all of this without professional guidance. We, here at EAS, can hold your hand and give you support, but this is only part of the healing process. There are so many pieces of ourselves that need to be put back together again after an A.
<>
I appreciate your kind words, honey, and just hearing you say you feel a spark of hope lights up my heart, and there is always hope. You must always try to believe that. We must never give up on ourselves. I, too, am happy you found us, and hope that you will stick around for as long as you need to.
Warm thoughts and hugs,
~ Iddy~
~Iddy~
Jana-
I have to agree with Gone Baby Gone on meeting your xAP's wife.
Hoping4peace,
Thank you for your response.