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| Sun, 04-17-2005 - 8:34pm |
I have been involved in an affair for 7 years. He has always been the one to call the shots...disappearing for weeks, then coming back when he needs me again. I love him so much yet he hurts me again and again. He is married, I am married, both with children...this is just so messed up but I'm tired of obsessing over him. Always checking my cell phone, waiting for an email...anything to keep hanging on.
How do I let go? I allow him to control my life, my emotions, everything.

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its the nature of the affair, we are willing to settle for less
why u ask ? because there is something wrong within ourselves ....
when u accept that u have no future with MM then the pill go will go away and u will be able to move on wuth your life and u can take back your life and live it the way u want it
we all are trying to get there, i am
take care,
max
I know it hurts to read. I used to come here and then not read for a long long time because I didn't want to face what was staring me right IN The face. The truth. I wanted to just keep going somehow..keep holding on and having the hope that he would still be there..and sure he would come back and then eventually hurt me again. He was big on coming on strong for a couple months and then saying "I can't do this" and backing off.. which in some circles might seem "Noble" or maybe he thought it was noble. But it wasn't. Not one bit of it was noble. He was not only sneaking around on his wife but he was lying to me in a sense. Pulling me in , pushing me away..so many times it became RIDICULOUS of me to allow it any further. And with that I realized what I was doing was no good for myself OR my family/or future. I know it hurts you now to see it in that way..but part of you must see it or you wouldn't say you want to stop. You will get to the point of wanting it over for good..when you allow yourself to feel worthy of more than what he is giving you. And when you realize you no longer should be giving him one second of your time. My ex MM had once said how I always seemed to be there for him. He took comfort in that. Could I say he was always there for me? No. And so..he really doesn't deserve me to be 'there for him'..and I won't be. Ever again.
Take care of you..and know that you can do this..and we are here.
Trissa, your situation sounds a little like mine. Both M, both xMM aren't/weren't supportive. Both working on our M....
I just wanted to see how you're doing with it now. Are you doing NC?
Just checking in, WIP
Hi Trissa,
When the painful moments are outweighing the good ones, it's time to get out. After the first couple weeks, you won't believe how free you feel! Not sneaking to check VM, not worrying about anyone seeing your email, trying to sneak away to make a call, all of that takes a toll on you (let alone sneaking away to meet with him!) I didn't realize how much of my life I was letting my xMM control until he wasn't controlling my time anymore! It feels so good now knowing I don't have anything to hide anymore.
When you read the posts, they are all so similiar. The women (mostly) let the MM change everything about the way they spend their time, while the MM just live their normal lives without changing much for the most part. When I realized I was the one making ALL the sacrifices for this A I knew I had to end it and get myself back!
It's going to be hard, and there will be some very bad days ahead, but if you really want to end the hurting you can. Once you do, you will wonder why you waited so long!
Owl
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