please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
please help!
1
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 8:37pm

I have been dating someone for 7 months now. He, too is MM and is unhappy, we both have kids..oldest is 11. This OM made me feel things I havent ever felt before. He was tender, giving, fun all the things me H was not. I felt alive again. We both get the attention and love that we dont get from home. Things for the first 5 months, or so went great. ( He lived 1 hour from me) so we saw each other once a week, if we could work it into our schedule. After about 4 months we realized we were in love with each other. We talked about the logistics of if we left our spouses.

Well up until 4 weeks ago, things were going well. He had a long business trip, and was gone for 3 weeks. That is when things changed. He had alot of time on his hands to think things over. He was trying to uncomplicate his already complicated and hectic schedule ( and fitting me in he was finding hard to do) with all the demands of his new promotion, the family life and his hobbies.) We saw each other maybe every 2 weeks. We sometimes just met for lunch to just see each other, to talk.

But finally last weekend, when we spent a few days together,on the last day, he said he couldnt do this anymore. He said it was too difficult to be with me and "not have me". And the hurt was more than he could bear. He said some days it bothers him and some days, it doesnt. But for the last few weeks, it has. He doesnt see me leaving my H. He is trying to do some soul searching, to figure what he wants in life and if he is going to leave his wife. After our trip, he kissed me goodbye and told me to call him tomorrow, like we always do, this was Saturday. So i called him, because we usually talk everyday, and it is now Tuesday and he has not returned any of my calls. He left so many things up in the air, I want to close them, so if he really wants to end this relationship, I can feel that I gave it my best shot and it was on as good as terms as it can be.

I just dont know how what to say and how to get him to call me back. It is so hard to just end things without really saying goodbye and feeling like everything was said.

Confused and sad and not sure what to do.

Please help!

K


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 5:49pm
But it isn't left unsaid..he's said that it's too hard for him. He hasn't returned your calls. Those are big clues. There is nothing easy about infidelity. It's taxing on your emotions and very difficult to maintain smoothly. It is very easy to start an affair though, with someone you don't live with daily and see them as the best thing since sliced bread. And oh so easy to imagine with that person "What if we left our spouses for one another".. in the heat of the moment. It's not that simple though when it really comes down to it. There are spouses and children involved here. Don't let them down. If you love your husband, don't do this anymore. If you don't love him..get counseling..figure out what you need or want to do- but don't do it for another married man who has his own chaos to handle. I think right now your cue is to walk away from this and do some soul searching, sure you will feel badly--but he has made it clear that it's not something he wants to do.