Please help i am so unhappy
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| Tue, 07-06-2004 - 4:17am |
I am new to this board and having read many of your stories i am hoping you can help me.
Two years ago i got very friendly with a married older man in work. I was just newly married. I got closer and closer to this man from work and started a relationship with him. It was an emotional relationship and very rarely involved sex. I loved him alot and still do.
He loved me but would not leave his marriage because of the kids. He still loves me. We finished a year ago but up until 2 weeks ago still had alot of contact. I cannot get over him. I want so much to give my marriage and my husband a chance but i cannot forget about my co worker. He is on my mind all the time. I think of him all the time. I see him everyday in work. I think about him every minute of every day. I obsess about what he is doing, i try to be in work the same time as him to see him. It was me who said 2 weeks ago that i did not want anymore contact because he did something very mean and terrible and really upset me and i said no more. He did not treat me very well only when he wanted to. Everything was always on his terms even when it finished.
When we were together we met about once a week for 15 maybe 20 minutes, i settled for the very least, we rarely had sex it was an emotional relationship.
I get very down and very upset. He is 15 years older than me. How do i break free?
It is ruining my life. I come from a broken home where my father beat me up for many years but i got over it and can never remember feeling like this. I have an empty pit at the bottom of my stomach all the time and have become very unsociable.
I have tried everything to forget this man, ignoring him, not ringing him, but i cannnot seem to break free. This is the longest i have gone without contact with him. But i think that he thinks i will go back talking to him as i have done this before but have always gone back. He tells me he still loves me but does mean horrible things. I end up giving out to him and he says sorry, lets me give out to him and its all forgotten about then. It is like an emotional rolercoaster and it is ruining my life.
He tells me he is very unhappy at home but is then seen out with his wife all about her. When i confront him with this he says it is all an act that they only go out so that they are not in the house together. His wife knows about me and stayed with him because she has had several affairs. He says they are only together for the kids which are 12, 14 and 16. He is 40 i am 25, what do i do? Very confused, very down, and feel like i am loosing it.
Have never been like this before i have always been able to get over things and get on with life. this is like i am stuck in time but i am desperate to get on with things. Dont want to love this man anymore i want to get on with my life and love my husband again. I have been with my husband since i was 16. I never had another boyfriend. My husband is a kind, caring, sweet man but is very involved in his hobby so is rarely at home. Do i need to leave my husband and start a fresh. Am i too young to stay in a marriage with someone i dont think i love.
I am desperate to get through this. I feel like a failure. I am putting so much energy into this MM and i am so tired and drained from it. I cannot remember the last time i was truely happy. I love him so much but dont want to, how do i break free??
How do i move on and stop thinking of him. How do i stop going to work every day just to see him.
Please help.
Kerry.

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Update on the silly thing i did..........
He came back to me with an answer and said yes he would meet for closure. He was suppose to ring me the next morning and tell me where to meet him but he did not ring.
Had a terrible weekend. Once again i have left myself open to be hurt and rejected by him.
Trying to pick myself up now and go back to NC which i was doing well with - nearly 3 weeks.
Feel like giving out to him and telling him what a mean thing it was to do.
I am making him my whole world - i have to stop.
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