Please help! I need support....
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| Fri, 11-26-2004 - 12:43pm |
I am on my way to being strong and breaking up an affair-type relationship that has recently developed with an old friend / old boyfriend of mine. We had really clicked and we've been emailing each other non-stop, aside from other stuff that happened about a month or so ago. But I don't think it's healthiest for me. I'm at a confused place right now with my husband, and I want to make my own decisions going forward without being influenced. Also, this old boyfriend is happily married with little kids, so I also ask what was he looking for, but that's another question.
SO, I guess when he talked about bonding with his spouse and family, it hurt me. I guess I still had feelings for him. But then something happened. Something changed in me and I got strong, and I emailed him very strongly, and I guess it caught him off guard. Anyway, now I haven't heard back from him in a few days, and I am trying so hard to not initiate contact again, especially because it's his "turn" to contact me, and part of me really really wants to hear from him, but then the next hour I am happy that I haven't.
I'm so confused, but I think perhaps in the long run it would be better in many ways to end this relationship and focus on my life, but then there were so many ways that he helped me and made me see things clearer, and I don't want to lose the friendship. But can it stay as just a friendship?
Anyway, I just think it would be bad all around if I emailed him a second time. I think it would be better for me to try hard to resist the temptation. But sometimes at moments like these it is SO DARN DIFFICULT
and so i turn to you
for help

Whatever you do, do not re-initiate contact with your friend!!
I can't say it enough. I was just curb-sided last night from an old BF that I had an A with for almost 3 months.
I love him sooo much, but I've totally lost myself. A's are ugly and messy....even if your spouse never finds out. It has ripped my world in two. I am a blubbering idiot, not the strong woman I once was. I wanted him to love me, support me, be something for me that my H isn't being. But the unattractive truth is...no one can make you comfortable in your own skin except yourself. Happiness comes from within. As I read in another post here on the board...
"I'm the captain of my own ship. I chose to steer myself right into my current situation. And I can choose to raise anchor and set course for calmer waters."
From a gal on the other side....I'll repeat it...DON'T DO IT!!
Read the "A -Support" board....look at all the hurting people there...it should clue you in. You have a family and a child to concentrate on.
It is scary to let go....believe me, I tried to break it off 3 times. He finally had to be the one to do it. But I must say today I feel the most sane I've felt in 3 months!
Tappy, it really isn't worth it. Find a good girl friend if a friend is what you need. But if love is what you seek, find it with your spouse.
Best of Luck to you,
~Baby
THANK YOU! WHY AM I STILL HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME???????
It's so freakin hard to not check email and to not want to send an email!
HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP MMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
PUUUULLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEE
Hang in there!!
Use the BB to get you through. Know you may be lonely but you are not alone.
Try to fill your life with positive things...this A thing is like a drug addiction and can destroy you if you let it.
There is so much wisdom in the posts...draw from their strength...this BB has helped more than any book or councelor ever.
I told my councelor about it and he will recomend it to his patients with A's.
Tap
Do yourself a big favor and remove him from your address book block his mails and delete any you have saved, then be about the job of dealing with your marriage problems one way or another.
CHEATING is destructive to everyone involved, if you keep contact with this Old B/F you going to end up going down that road and your going to regret it for years to come.
NO CONTACT
Free
I know exactly what you mean. I keep logging into Yahoo messenger to see if I have a response, and then log in again.
What makes us do this?