Please help me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Please help me!
74
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 9:36am

Hi everyone,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 10:24am
You have reopened a wound that was nicely healing and now you want to lash out and hurt him back.

Iddy, you nailed it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 10:28am

dwelling on him and his reasons wont help you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 10:30am
Mom, deleting the old emails would be a really good step to take. Holding on to them is keeping a hold on you from moving forward completely. I know deleting will be your choice and if you can think of deleting as a gift like nc is I think you will see the benefit of not being able to go back and read those old emails. There are all sorts of people out there, what's important is how you conduct your life and treat others. It does take time for our feelings to process the hurts we brought on to ourselves and we have alot of work to do to tackle our issues but keep focused that you are 3 months nc which is fantastic and keep working at the surronding issues that may make you think you need a jolt of toxic from xap. Mom I have my low moments too and I am learning to let
them wash over me and out as I get a clearer picture of what brings them on. Big hugs to you:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 10:30am
"what appears to be" an anxiety attack of sorts.

Yes it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 10:33am

MG,

You have received some excellent advice

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2010
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 10:39am

Ok, whoaaaaaa.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 10:40am
Ohhhhhh MOM, we're not about to go back to the start - with forcing YOU to face up to the fact that YOU were indeed the married one; therefore COMPLETELY unavailable to be a loving & kind partner to this man.

YOU were not a victim of some single person who had a hold over you - you made deliberate and calculated actions to stay wrapped up in a fantasy world.

HE has moved on because that fantasy world vanished. YOU too have moved on ... re-invested in your marriage and are HAPPY. See ... there is nothing real there. HE moved on because he was single & available to do so. If you cared at all, wouldn't you want him to be happy? See ... it's because we don't really care about them - well not really. We cared as long as they were feeding our egos, but now that he is feeding someone else's there is something wrong ...

THIS isn't about YOU or YOUR worth.

YOU are amazing & special and worthy of LOVE. The LOVE of your committed partner. Why are you choosing to value yourself based on the actions of a single xAP?

I moved on after relationships ended without looking back ... so have you ... so it's SOMETHING happening for YOU that's the issues that you are holding your xAP responsible for.

YOU allowed your sister to share things with you - you read the emails - you took a hit from the old crack pipe. WHY you did so is inside you my lovely woman (:

HERE NOW TODAY is what matters ... DON'T look back wondering about his actions - look inside yourself to unpack your own.

Much Care today MOM,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 10:42am
not stupid - but deleting them frees you from going around in circles on the merry go round that we all know well. Delete them. I promise there is a peace that comes from truly blocking (blocking means ridding yourself of all avenues of contact including old emails, letters, IMchat sessions, texts, voicemails, fb stalking (even through another person, etc.) Choosing to CUT all this stuff out of your life allows you to truly have NO NEW HURTS. You keep asking how someone trades their affections to another overnight - FIRST - it doesnt' matter. There is no "right answer" that will make you feel better. Block it. Walk away and focus on you.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 11:09am

TU, you are right in saying that I was the one that was married and unavailable for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 11:18am

Garfy,

Get a grip and BREATHE.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.

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