please help me ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
please help me ...
16
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 1:41pm

take the last step.

as you know I have been in LC due to work - well today I resigned from our mutual contracts after getting another email that hurt embedded within a work related correspondence.

So now I have blocked him from everywhere - but I need you to push me to delete our shared email accounts. Yes they are still active. I know that this is needed - but I remain reluctant. Why? Because it really is that last thread between us - where eventually I know he will write ... and I want to do this so bad - so please tell me what I already know to be true - screw what he thinks, erase those accounts.

Thanks.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 1:59pm

TU-


My heart aches for you right now because I remember cutting that last tie and how hard it was. I left my job so that I could start completely anew, but it wasn't easy. I just knew it had to be done like you know what has to be done... so just rip that band aid off girl. Do it for YOU. I guarantee, that it hurts more now in anticipation than it will once you do it. You will be truly free. It will be the last anchor holding you under water. You will have your life back.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 2:01pm

TU,


This is clearly hurting you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 2:18pm

Honey (I hope you don't mind me calling you honey, I'm a southern gal), we have all been where you are and it really hurts. It hurts so bad but I promise you that if you just do it now and suffer through this pain you will feel so much better about yourself. The empowerment you will feel after the pain goes away will feel so much better than the pain. I remember my T told me to wear a rubber band around my wrist and pop it when I wanted to call XAP. Imagine how I looked walking around with a rubber band around my arm popping it ever 30 minutes (LOL). My boys and DH must have thought I was crazy, but you know what it worked. She also told me to come up with a mantra to resite to myself and that also worked. You can do this, I know you can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 2:26pm

You can do this... you MUST do this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 2:30pm

((TU))


<email that hurt embedded within a work related correspondence.>>


I am in awe of your strength, TU. Resigning is a phenomenal move on your part, and as difficult as I am sure that was, I am so very proud of you. I am so sorry this JAM doesn't GET IT. I never had that problem and Xmm made it easy for me to heal and move on. He knew I had reached the end of a very frayed rope.

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 2:33pm

TU,


I have no experience in the LC situtation.

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 3:13pm
You been given some fantastic advice. I agree 100% about the empowering feeling you get from finally closing that email account. Closing the shared acct and deleting 4 years of pictures left me feeling something I wasn't prepared for - free and empowered. Honestly, I thought I couldn't do it and I worried about it until I actually did it. Yeah, it was sad but that was quickly over shadowed by realizing I was putting the affair behind me. This is for you, bottom line. Right now, that is the most important thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 3:42pm

First off, HUGS to all of you who instantly came to support me.

So I took the advice and deleted the accounts ...

and you would think that would have been the end of that.

Nope.

Not five minutes later I get emails saying thank you for re-activating the accounts. Worse he has re-set the passwords and when I went to try and recover the changed password - the new security questions was "Is this fun or not?" ... His email account is the shared email address these accounts are hooked up to - meaning, nothing can be done to delete the account without it notifying him and giving him 90 days to restore )-: He has now changed the passwords back so that I can get in - so now my question is - do I delete all the emails in those accounts and then just forget about them being opened, removing myself off as co-owner etc ... and/or 2) forget about it; 3) threaten to tell his W if he continues to keep these accounts open after my repeated requests to delete these accounts?

I am telling you, with everything in me - I do not want to engage him. Any action that I take on this account will trigger a response. No doubt. I know how to keep myself safe, I am not concerned about anything to do with that. However, he does live about 2 minutes away ... please advise my wise women.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 4:26pm

TU~


He has now changed the passwords back so that I can get in - so now my question is - do I delete all the emails in those accounts and then just forget about them being opened, removing myself off as co-owner etc ...


REMOVE YOURSELF!


HE IS LOOKING FOR A REACTION!


DONT GIVE IT TO HIM!


DONT GIVE INTO HIS CAT & MOUSE GAME!


STAND STRONG!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 5:08pm

HI Lynn!

I totally freaking agree! I need some clarification though: do I leave the 3000+ emails or do I erase them?! leaving an empty account?!

This is what I would like to do! but don't want to engage him.

Holy crap - I can't see straight for the Sh@T hitting the fan.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

Pages