Please help me... been a "lurker" to this board for almost two years & finally posted

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2011
Please help me... been a "lurker" to this board for almost two years & finally posted
13
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 2:06pm

I have been lurking on this board for two years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2011

OK, having second thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009

Really?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Welcome to our amazing community. You will be supported with love, kindness & "reality" that will see you through the end of your affair. Nine years is a lot to let go of, but no where near as long as the rest of your life. Congrat's on beginning the walk toward a future with dignity & courage.

The BEST thing you could do for yourself is to block ALL avenues of contact. This way you will not be relentlessly checking to see if he has made contact. For today, that's ALL you need to do. BLOCK him and DO NOT MAKE CONTACT.

Take some deep breaths, and I wish for you the strength to find the resolve to do what is ABSOLUTELY necessary. LET GO.

"He told me that he couldn't do this, that he loved his wife and that he couldn't live with himself if he did that. I told him that I wanted to be with him but not when it made me feel dirty, worthless, horrible. So he left"

HIS ACTIONS speak loudly, as well as his words. He loves his wife, he is not leaving, and he does not want to continue in the affair. PLEASE let him go, and give yourself the gift of living a life without the destructive actions of an affair.

Please stay and post. We will be here for you,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2011

Thank you, transcended.us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2011
Welcome! You will have the support you need to grow strong and thrive. Keep on posting!
love from a fellow newbie,

Finch
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010

WELCOME WP! :)

"Nobody would ever guess i had an affair" - me too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Ooppss, typo, hehe.

Phoenis shd be Phoenix.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2011

Wow, LW!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011

Hey WP - Welcome to EAS!!! Since you've already been lurking for a couple of years, have the

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009

Welcome to EAS and welcome to getting your dignity back! Where you no longer are only on the outside the woman who no one suspects would have an affair but on the inside you are the woman who never goes there again!

Others have chimed in with many great tidbits of wisdom. I also lurked here during my A and had read a bunch in years before posting so I know you know what we preach round here and now is the time for you to implement it.

I wanted to comment on your words about finally having a place/opportunity to talk about A. I think the secrecy of A is one of the things that feeds its mystique. Because we can't talk about it, it can grow so magnified. And since no one talks about it we start believing that the A is special. No one on the outside understands and can't understand. And we have no friends or family to keep us accountable or open our eyes to things (like we would in a real relationship). That is one of the amazing things realizing here from the others that what was, wasn't a

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