Please help me, i don't want to mess up
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| Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:20am |
Hi Everyone,
As i posted on sunday i had a very good weekend with my H and had 12 days NC and did not call xMM on his b'day last week. I know he expected me to call and i was very proud of myself. I didn't think he would call me back, but then on monday i saw him calling my cell and i ignored his call and he left a message saying he was working until late even though i already knew and i still ignored it and went home after work in a good mood.
Then on tuesday i went through another withdrawal cycle and IM him and he called me back right away and i answered :( I tried to act cool and pretended I was having a good time and busy and he said how he was busy last week with family stuff and then i said oh yeah by the way happy belated birthday and then he told me about his b'day party.
Well he wants to see me next week first i said i couldn't do it and then said what about the next day. I haven't said anything and he is going to call me again on friday. I don't know what to do, i want to see him but how do i stop the urge and say no?
I'm moving from here soon and know i will never see him again and this might be my last chance but then what's the point. What should i do?
Help!!

twilight -
Think about what would happen if your H found out.
Is it worth it?
Twilight
Leave him a VM telling him you can make it sorry booked up with hubby on that day and for every other day after that. GOODBYE PLEASE DO NOT CALL AGAIN.
End it yourself rather then letting circumsatances dictate it, or it is going to be an open issue for you in the future just locking for oportunity to come back at you.
Free
Thanks for your replies. You are both right, i've been lucky so far that my H has not found out and he is so good to me that the guilt will never go away. But my problem is his cell phone does not have a voice message and the only way for me to contact him is to leave my phone number and he would call me back. Which i hate because in the past i never knew if he would call back or not. And we don't e-mail since he is too scared his W would check it. He has no privacy in his life. I guess maybe i should just leave my phone at home tomorrow and not get tempted to answer.
I'm just going crazy, i feel like my head will explode, i wish i could just erase him from my memory. He told me last time i saw him about three weeks ago that what drives him crazy is thinking about me all time. Why do we spend so much of our time and energy for someone that we'll never have. My H is 100X better than MM but what is this force that drives me towards him.
I'm sorry for the long e-mail, just wanted to talk to someone.
Have a good day and thanks for your posts
Twilight
That force is something inside you, look and you will find it, leaving the phone home is a good idea.
Free
twilight -
Affairs are ADDICTING.
You have to cut off the source - XMM. (no contact)
Then you will suffer withdrawal. It will hurt, I will not lie to you.
But you will slowly heal. The only way to interrupt that 'force' is
to make yourself stay away from him. (Not just physically - no calls,
emails, etc.)
It WORKS!!!!
I am proof!