Please help me not e-mail him
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Please help me not e-mail him
| Fri, 03-25-2005 - 4:28pm |
Okay. Long long story, but basically this is now an LDR and the only way we have to be in touch these days is e-mail and phone. He e-mailed me an "innocent" happy Easter note after 10 days of NC, but also alluded to how he was going to handle a marital conflict. I wrote back something extremely bland. Then the next day I added that I really did not want to hear about his marital problems, that I was through being his advisor, and that he needed to get professional help. I am glad I did this, but on the other hand, wish I didn't write back AT ALL.
I feel I can't remove him totally from my address book due to family interconnections, etc., a complicated situation. I need to come to this board so I don't get into my familiar possition of trying to help him sort out his f**ked up life. It's NOT my problem. I think he is manipulating me because he knows I very easily get into counseling him and this is his way of keeping me involved in his life. I don't want to be his free help anymore. I no longer get anything out of it, and he really f**ks me up... Plus I'm drinking more than I should and my husband, who had an alcoholic mother, can pick up alcohol from about two miles away.
Aren't these affairs just ruinous?
Hope Maxwell and Free and others have some wise words.
Thanks a lot,
Alice
I feel I can't remove him totally from my address book due to family interconnections, etc., a complicated situation. I need to come to this board so I don't get into my familiar possition of trying to help him sort out his f**ked up life. It's NOT my problem. I think he is manipulating me because he knows I very easily get into counseling him and this is his way of keeping me involved in his life. I don't want to be his free help anymore. I no longer get anything out of it, and he really f**ks me up... Plus I'm drinking more than I should and my husband, who had an alcoholic mother, can pick up alcohol from about two miles away.
Aren't these affairs just ruinous?
Hope Maxwell and Free and others have some wise words.
Thanks a lot,
Alice

Alice
I you were going to answer him I think you did it in the best possible way by refusing to get sucked in and manipulated yet again so give yourself some credit.
IF you DECIDE not to be there for him as his soft shoulder now you can expect him to try a bunch of times in the near future then ease of for a while with the occasionl test of your resolve.
I strongly urge you STOP the drinking totally if you cannot drink in moderation besides damaging your body and home life it will make you more liable to slip up and step right back in this pile of dog crap again.
Being STUCK is a decision it has nothing to do with strength, DECIDE your done living your life at a place that is driving you to being unhappy and to the bottle and you will be unstock at that moment.
Alice your life is not a garbage can for him to dump his trash into NO MORE, NO CONTACT.
Free
Edited 3/25/2005 6:14 pm ET ET by mefreenow
Alice
I hope both I and the people at this board can help you, once you get to know some of the ladies and gentleman around here your going to discover we have a very exceptional group of people, smart educated and insightful.
Talk to your counselor and see what she\he thinks, how much money is your mental\emotional\physical health worth ?
Over indulgance(SP)in drinking is like a affair in that in the end it takes much more from you then it gives you.
To much drinking is a sure sign of an unhappy person in my experience. BTDT
Your worth whatever it takes to put you life on a road that will lead to a happy healthy future, "IF MOMA AIN'T HAPPY NO ONE IS HAPPY"
Free
alice,
if u cant delete or change your email, what u can do is mark his email for the bulk mail or in the junk folder, dont open any mails on this folder and just delete them everytime
u have to stop drinking also, not only it does not help jack S**T but it also destroy your liver
like u said, he is manipulating u and u are letting him do it to u, and it will only bring u more pain and misery, only u can stop his manipulations, start small and work your way up, spend some time with family and friends
take care
max