Please help me with reminders
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Please help me with reminders
| Wed, 03-09-2011 - 8:39am |
Good grief. This morning lamewad sends me a request to join him on a professional networking site. I know because it was in the title of the email. I deleted immediately without opening it up.
Why is he doing this now? Why do I feel flattered that he's thinking of me? Why do I want to talk to him and see how he's doing?
Please help me through this. I need to hear the really hard stuff.

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AT2,
Huge kudos for deleting!!! Shows growth and more healing is taking place inside you despite his attempts at contact.
<< The smidgen of me that wants to reach out to him is out of compassion for what he's going through. Is that the mother in me?>>
You are a compassionate person with a big heart but since these As have a whole lot of dysfunction wrapped up in them you have to ask yourself some questions to get down to your true motives. Is it your ego mixing with fantasy? Could you be thinking this big important guy is now down on his luck and maybe you could move in and be his hero and help rescue him? Are you fantasizing about that a little? Also are you hoping to change his opinion of you? Have him look at you in a different light? If any of those are your motivations then that is manipulation not compassion. Going in to help with motives of getting a specific reaction is manipulation plain and simple.
<>
This is just the ol’ A brain back at work. Have you been in a down period at all lately? See during my A, I use to be nervous about getting caught even if I was just reading a text so my heart would pound and I would get an adrenaline rush. In person meetings produced adrenaline galore. My heart raced like a Geiger counter at Chernobyl. Since before my A I was in depression mode, this made the feeling even more intense. My body's warning system going off made me feel alive! Here my body was trying to communicate the danger of the situation and I processed that in my efed up way into a feel good. How dysfunctional was that!
The way you feel right now and why you feel it could have everything to do with how you have been feeling and what is going on with you. Use this opportunity and the raw feelings you have to journal about. Figure out what you got out of the contact with him during the A and why you had the reaction and feelings you did then. Then connect them with what is going on with you now.
Keep in mind feelings (even anger) are not always a “bad” thing. There is a reason you are feeling what you are feeling. Get busy figuring out why.
Love and hugs,
E1
Edited bodies to body’s. Yep I only have one. So for those of you who were wondering if I suffered from multiple personalities that answer is NO!
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
and Oh $hit - i was late to the party again! I need to move East Coast! Just so I can be quick on my draw.
I just saw your reply Always...I KNEW IT. You are so QUICK like that in reframing!!!
Once again, you got me all goose bumply - with your freaking POWER!!!!!
Dammit.
You're GOOD.
((Hugs))
I wanted to comment on one final thing you said, Always -
When you looked at all those who had fishing attempts with a little envy - Ok I get that from the outside looking in - that lack of ego stroke -
NOW, YOU KNOW - how DIFFICULT and DILIGENT that makes things. Now you KNOW what it's like to have to battle the challenge to stay on course - and as Dee said, KNOW EXACTLY how much to distrust yourself.
Good! his fishing attempts now help you REMIND YOURSELF just how selfish and disrespectful it is and how much of a challenge that presents to you when you're Ego driven. Its a constant reminder to die to that Ego
(((((((A)))))))
I don't have much time right now because i'm getting the kids off to school, so excuse the short post.
He certainly is fishing because he is experiencing difficult times in RL and needs to escape into Affairland, the place of the feel goods. Remember when we use to do that too? But we have progressed now, we are wiser beings and have no excuse for ignorance anymore, no excuses.
Don't be flattered that this action is his want for you, it simply is his needs for him, He is continuing his selfish behaviour, with absolutely no regard of you, your feelings, your M, your life, because that is the gist of what A's are, pure and utter selfishness.
Always you don't want to go for Round 3 do you? or how about another Dday? Remember the rock bottom lows? they far outnumbered the few highs we experienced throughout the course.
Thinking of you
V888
xxxxxx
Newport, try living in another country and missing out on a great thread. I would have loved to wade in here but you guys have said it all - and said it beautifully.
Always I was also a bit sad that my exjerk never fished. But when he did it was base and degrading. Like you I have a very sift nature so I have often wondered if I could ignore him if his fishing was more plaintive.
Either way a fishing attempt is a thinly veiled call out for the drug. That's all it is. The ego stroking high that we all fell for.
Don't be his supplier anymore. You are better than that. Let him take his crack-addict ass to someone else for his hit. Thats all he wants babe.
Much love- you are my hero !!!!
Iggy
I wanted to add 1 more thing (hahah i feel like steve martin in the jerk...all i need is thisss chair.
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