please help - need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
please help - need advice
3
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 11:41am

My husband and XMM have been talkiing alot more lately. We were all good friends when we had our affair. I tried to stop talking to the wife and he pulled away from my husband bc it just got too hard to be friends. When we broke up in September it had gotten bad between us but we ended things pretty okay. I kept asking him why we were doing this anymore and that we should not go on. He got mad but finally understood bc it was too hard on us. I called back three days later and he said he would call me back and I said whatever and hung up. I never heard back from him and that was September.

My problem is my husband is really wanting to hang out with them again and I thought that my XMM was blowing him off but they are talking again and XMM even said he wanted to get together at least for the kids to my husband. Well his wife called me this weekend to say hello and she hasn't called since July. I can't tell my husband I don't want to hang out with them bc he is already curious and suspicious of me and XMM. When we were together he always would watch us when we would hang out. We got in a huge fight in October and I said I didn't want to ahg out with them and my husband got pissed and very suspicious and kept asking me why.

Would it be wrong to call my XMM and ask him to make up an excuse on why they can't get together with us. My XMM knows how my husband is. I would be very straight to the point and then get off the phone. I am scared if will look like anexcuse to talk to him or it will look like I want him back eventhough it has been 4 months. I just want him to know that I do not want any reminder of what we did this summer to our families. I want him to know I don't want to be friends again. Would it look bad or what if he did what he did the last time I called immediately after we broke things off and asked to call me back and I am left hanging again. I don't want to look like a fool. I just want to make it clear that I have not intentions of going back to the way things were before we hooked up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 11:59am

merehud, your situation sounds so much like mine. I think we could help each other. I am in the same boat and am trying desperately to stay away from my xMM. Would you e-mail me?

deceivedme

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 5:20pm

Merehud

A short to the point e-mail may serve your better, perhaps warning him of your husbands "VERY STRONG" suspicions might encourage him to find a reason to back off, I suggest voice only if there is no other way.

Take care you got out of this once with out getting to badly burned you may not get lucky twice.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 6:07pm

I think your intentions are right --- avoid, avoid, avoid. But in this case, at the risk of making your husband more suspicious, you might have to go directly to you xMM and tell him to back off.

At the very least, he'll get the message that you're not interested in anything, including a pseudo-friendly relationship among couples.

I don't think that be foolish at all. You managed to escaped relatively intact from the A. Don't run the risk of some weird fluke and having it discovered AFTER it's all said and done.

Go with your gut on this one. It sounds to me like you know what to do.

Good luck! Shel