Please help...I am weak right now. :(

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Please help...I am weak right now. :(
11
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 8:05pm
And no...I didn't break NC. But, I was NOT expecting to see him at work tonight (we both teach music lessons). I was walking out to my car and he walked out to the parking lot...greeted me with a smile and "how are you?" okay. I kept it brief...I know that he was fishing and had to tell me that he was going to go wash his car...as if he thought "maybe she will follow me there." NOT. I said "goodbye" and then walked back into the store to get something. When I walked out again, he drove by. I didn't look up or wave. I am a newbie, and this just SUCKS so bad. I will learn how to ignore him better, but right now, it is so f***ing hard. I had to pull over in my car so I could type this to get my feelings out right away and to have a good cry...(I have only a few minutes before I get home and have to appear as if I wasn't just crying my eyes out) Good thing no one else was with me because I was able to scream at the top of my lungs while crying (and trying to drive - another good reason I pulled over). I know I can do this. Why, why, am I so f***ing weak??? I thought that I was stronger. I am not. At least not right now. I wish so badly that I could quit my job, but I can't right now. Deep breaths. I am just so sad for the wrong decisions I made that led me to the A. I know, I am not going to beat myself up (though it is at moments like this that I want to) but these emotions hit me so hard, I could barely breathe. Part of the healing process, I know. Healing hurts like a mother f***er. Sorry for all the "bleepy" language, but I know I can count on all of you to hear my pain and be there for me through this not-so-fun process. Thank you all so incredibly much for your support. I took some deep breaths and I dried my tears. I am going home to my loving family now. Hearts <3

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 12:45pm

I hope

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3

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