please respond if your mm ended it

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
please respond if your mm ended it
4
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 11:44am
I have written alot of posts and I keep reading about NC and staying away when they call but what if they are staying away from you as well. I told my mm that we needed to stop and that we needed to be with our spouses and this was really hard for me but it was something we needed to do (he didn't agree) and he asked if could call me the next day to talk some more. Well, he didn't ( and he acted like he really wanted to talk to me more) so I called him. He was a jerk and said that why should he call me - I wanted to be with my husband and I was beating him up about the fact that he wasn't leaving her right now - which is bs (the day before he said that I never have pressured him)because I never asked him to leave I just kept asking him why we are talking still and why he is still doing this with me. I told him lets never talk again and hung up. Well of course I felt bad bc I didn't want to be angry and wanted to walk away with him still thinking I wanted to it to be over so a week later I called him and made sure there were no hard feelings and he was nice and said he was thinking about me and I told him to take care and then I got off the phone with him. I called three days later and he didn't want to talk to me and said he would call me back and that was three weeks. The thing is he wanted to still talk and continue what we were doing but as soon as I said that we shouldn't he did a 180 and I feel like a fool. I'm sorry but I can't get over that. Is it a power trip for him or did he just not care to deal with my wishy washyness anymore and ended it for us. I know he will never try to contact me bc that is the way he is. I am wondering what he is thinking about me (psycho or is he mssing me too but doing the NC on me) Also he wont call ever again bc his wife just found out she is pregnant last week (two weeks after we we end it) I know it was totally unplanned bc I know his wife and had to talk to her about it. It was not a happy day with them when she found out. So the thought of holding me head up high just to have him call me one day and I can say to him "let me call you back" is totally gone forever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 12:06pm
My MM ended it two days ago. Just out of the blue. I've been feeling that this is SOOOOOO easy on him (may or may not be) but it's been so hard on me, I decided (1/2) to send him a message. Sent it, regret it, hate myself for it, been agonizing over it, turned off my phone, and am getting over it. Had to say it, get it off my chest, now I'm trying to move on. Hoping it makes this just as hard on him as it is on me, maybe even harder. My M is a disaster, totally over for me, but I'm going out with a (female) friend for drinks, maybe I can find a new MM. Self destruct all over again. It'll get me over him anyway. H and I talked of an open marriage (fingers crossed). Maybe he'll find somebody else and end the M for me, so I don't have to. Then maybe MM would leave his W and we could live happily ever after.............

yea, right. But it gets me thru the day. And at this point, whatever it takes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 1:05pm
My exMM ended it with me. Three times, in fact!

Right after we started our A, I moved out and filed for divorce. I thought that was what I wanted. He said he wanted to leave his W for me.

Well, like a fool, I believed him. I won't go into the gory details, but he bounced back and forth between me and his W more times than I can count. He played on my emotions and took advantage of me, and I let him. Then he left, after having given me next to nothing but heartache, esp. at the end.

That was 7 weeks ago. I called him about 3 1/2 weeks in, which I shouldn't have done. But it confirmed that it truly was over, so my healing really began in full force then.

I haven't spoken to him since. I did discover that he called my apartement about a week ago, but didn't leave a message. Called from a pay phone near his house. It made me cry...and I don't know why. I guess my healing isn't as far along as I'd hoped.

I briefly toyed with the idea of calling him after that, but I resisted using logic. I mean, what would that accomplish? Even if he misses me like I miss him, it would be the worst idea in the world for us to start up again. WE HAVE NO FUTURE. He would only string me along and end up right back where he is now, with the W and kid. Sure we might have some good times before the inevitable happened, but at what price? My hard-earned healing and self-respect would be gone in a heartbeat.

Its not easy and I still miss him. But if its truly over, you have to let go, and that means don't call. Even if your pride is hurt, calling won't help. That just opens you up to MORE hurt. It can only harm you in the end.

You'll never truly have "closure," which is hard to accept, but the sooner you do, the better off you'll be.

Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 11:45pm
Dallas:

Your messages help me. Thanks. I blew it today--but I do think I am beginning to live in reality because I don't have hope. Your situation reminds me of mine and you give me strength by keeping NC

Survive4 (the 4 is for my 4 children)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 11:50pm
Dallas:

When I read your story that he left you only 7 weeks ago--You are doing so great!! And facing reality so well. At 7 weeks I was in bed with the covers over my head crying hysterically. I read 100 books last year and lived in my cocoon. I could hardly function for my kids or work. I was in terrible pain. All because I wouldn't let go of my hope in the "dream" I believed in "our love" so much and I gave up everything for it that I just couldn't face what I was left with. Finally I am ready to face it after one year. So i am just blown away at how well you are doing and your words really hit home and help me see the truth.

Survive