PLEASE TELL ME DAY ONE IS THE WORST!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
PLEASE TELL ME DAY ONE IS THE WORST!
4
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 12:09am
Ok I have made it through day one, I did not call him! It was hard, I wanted to call and scream at him for letting me end it, I wanted to scream at him for 5 years of pain and lies. But I realized he never force me and I KNEW from the beginning what he was, that is why I refused to date him for the 5 LONG years he asked What hurts the most is I know life is as usual for him, he is home withhis wife and I am sure looking for the next mistress. No loss to him. How can they just let it go? I sure hope it gets easier from here on out! This is rough and I know my kids are feeling I am upset.
Avatar for madisonkl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 12:43am

Fooled...I'm sorry but I think this whole first week is going to be the worst!! I am at the start of my third week and I am just trying to take it day by day. Plus I know if I call his cell or leave voicemails a lot, he will change his cell number and then I have no way to contact him except to mail him a letter to his work (he closed his email account) and I really don't want to do that so I am trying with every ounce of strength in my body to do this NO CONTACT but after talking to someone almost every day for four years, the heartache is horribly unbearable. It has just got to get better because I can't keep living like this!!

Hang in there and know there are others of us who are going through the exact same thing...keep posting when you want to write him and take each day as it comes!!!

Peace,
Madison

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 1:12am

Fooled

I can't swear that day one is the worst day you will have but I can tell you that IT WILL GET BETTER as long as you have NO CONTACT in time it will get better, no contact means just that no contact including re-reading e-mails/TMs/IMs or listening to VMs.

A great deal of affairs and the dis comfort of ending them has to do with HABIT a lot of what we think is Missing them is missing the habit of doing certian things day in and day out, you will find it helpful to REPLACE the old habits with new ones, healthy ones that will make you feel better about you and boost your EGO rather then ripping it down.

Don't Cave You Can Do It and you will be GLAD ond day that you did.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 8:10am
((((Fooled)))) You can do it. Just get through the day, and then the next one and so on. Free is right- it's the habit that keeps us wired for more contact. We're so used to it that we think we're going to die with out it (ok that's dramatic, but you know what i mean :).. So add some new habits to your day. That's important I think. You need to come up with ways to fill in the space that he took up in your day. Whether it's finding some new friends to email with/or websites to post on about interests you have. Taping a new show to watch when its late at night and you need distraction. Get a new book to read, do your nails, learn to cook a new dish-, draw, paint- do something you've always wanted to do..no matter how you think you'll be at it (So many people don't buy art supplies because they don't think they can draw or paint! you can create anything you want!)..
Do things to feed your spirit.. He didn't feed your spirit-he sucked the life out of it! Think about it? When we let someone have that much bearing on our life- and we're not even that person's sole romantic interest--they are sucking the life out of our spirits. We wait for the email, the phone call, the next get together. It's a waste of valueable time. And we barely do the things we love when we're "waiting" for that person..
Take back your life--
Hugs to you..
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 4:09pm

f2m....I can't really say which day is the worst. For a long time it seems that it may not ever get better but trust us, it does! What helped me was remembering how bad he made me feel. He made me feel worthless and I know that I am better than that. I had been through NC many times but somehow I think that's part of the process. Eventually, and you're not sure when but you don't let it happen again. I guess after enough times of the SOS (promises, lies, etc), you just get tired. Just like a recovering addict...you get tired of being "sick and tired". He called me a few weeks ago and I had forgot to look at the caller id. He was casual as usual but I haven't forgot to look at the caller id again. When he calls, (a couple of times since then), I just don't answer. He's never been one to write, so EM is not a problem yet. There are days like this (sunny, bright, etc) that he and I would meet to sit in the park or whatever and that's why I came to the boards today. Whenever, I even think about missing him, I accept the fact that I probably always will, come to the board for a reminder of why I can't give in, and move on. So just keep doing what you're doing and don't beat yourself up too badly if you give in (hell, I moved from MA TO EA board for a couple of years!).

Just wanted you to know that it does get better. Just keep checking in when you need some encouragement. I do and the posters here have helped me more than they will ever know!