please..has anyone here ever told?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
please..has anyone here ever told?
3
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 11:28am
my affair was over 4 months ago when my h found out...i did my utmost to protect the om 7 his fiance...however w/ his wedding approaching on my birthday no less...& news of him having a new affair...this man had called me his true love....& more & more celebratory news surrounding him...i snapped....i warned him 2x & he didn't respond...i thought it out & asked advice everywhere...i finally did it...i did it with a bang & most likely couldve been more subtle,but as a friend said...that's just not the way you do things susan.this man is angry that my best friend didn't protect him from me & give him a warning...altho i gave the warnings myself.he thinks that i broke...in his words...some secret code of conduct...i even asked a man who i know cheats on his wife & this man said i did the best thing....not one person i know disagrees w/ me xcept for the new pain & doubt it caused me...my h wants to know if it wouldve been better had he told but altho at 1st i thought in hindsite that i shouldve...it wouldve created an irrepairable rift between h & i.......sometimes i lay awake at night & think i'm scum...but the releif i feel is incredible too.this man claims no one in their right mind would have ever done what i did...there isn't a woman on earth...so i ask....is there anyone out there like me...who NEEDED to set themselves free.....?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 11:50am
HI Anon

I personaly did not but have read a good many posts on the ivillage board(s) were women had to because they could not move on in there marriage or life tell they put things right in there own minds, so your not alone.

By the way XOM sounds like a real turkey, you don't owe him anything at all and certainly not somesort of twisted loyalty.

LUCK

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 12:21pm
thankyou thaankyou....i'm having a hard time w/ all of this...om knew i only got involved b/c i was in a shakey marraige & i fell in love...he has twisted it into something that existed in my imagination.he actually said..."even tho i told you that i wished i wasn't engaged & i wish you weren't married w/ kids...what did i expect to happen?"...now engagements can be broken & marraiges can be left...so i suppose i expected what i was told...i also found out that after this man would make love to me he would go home & disparage me to his gf...this came out after the stuff hit the fan in his home...but like i told him...i am a person too & have feelings up the wazoo...he claims it was not my business & i had zero right on earth to do what i did.i admit that sometimes i am not sure.i so OWN what i did...when my closest friend revealed my name & phone # to his fiance it was fine w/ me that she did it only b/c that became my friends right after the gf approached her & my friend b/came involved..i don't expect a "code" from her.my friend is a bit put off by me b/c now she is upset that she became involved(however...she did get me the addresses...she has been my sounding board & advisor & now she is pissed.i can tell)...i feel like all around filth..but i feel like filth that got my POWER back...which is better? the man admits he is a serial cheater...which hurts me more b/c i beleived he loved me & i loved him so much i took too many risks...but it was still above & beyond what i did...that i shouldve let it go...that i'm small & twisted b/c after 4 months...i couldn't let it go.

he resents that i am still married & he has been left.altho i asked him...what is it youre more upset about..that she left you or that you don't have your double life anymore?one is attracted to what they need,i beleive...his fiance was 100% trusting...he was never home.if they do marry...it's fine w/ me b/c he feels that he could give up his free time & wandering & even his carreer if he had her back...i cannot imagine.i would have been content for him to have a lifetime of "whereareyougoings...ohnoyouarenot".i told him that he lost a rare jewel(just about the total trust part) in her & he lost an incredible gem in me.he says that it was ME who ruined her life & his.i don't know what to feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 2:25pm
HI Anon

One thing I have learned in life is that we own are decisions and the consequences of them, you have accepted your responsibility, now XMM needs to do the same, he ruined his life all by himself with his serial CHEATING before you got sucked into his trap.

He lost that nice trusting lady, to bad so sad for him but it is his own fault, And I think she was VERY LUCK that someone told here the truth about that turkey before she wasted 5 - 10 years then found herself divorced.


It is time to move forward with your life you can't do that looking back.

BE WELL

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