poem of our affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
poem of our affair
5
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 1:06am
Only His Secret

I feel so alone most days, in love with a man I can not have.

A nagging feeling from deep inside,

I want so much to believe in your words and my own feelings.

But inside i feel like I am a secret never to be told.

Late at night my thoughts are filled with you,

The way you would someday touch me,

your eyes looking so deeply into mine

with a wanting and needing is sometimes to good to be true.

On a night not so long ago you reached out to me,

touching and making love to me

In such a way I had never felt,

your gentle hands touched my face and softly kissed my lips.

You looked in her eyes with such love and passion,

made love to me in such a way my body still ached for you

I close my eyes just to see your face

I feel a part of me losing you somehow and try so desperately to get you back.

All at once, you call me as if you have heard my pain,

and again soothes me, and again I believe.

This night as every night to come I will dream of you and your love.....

and wait..... holding all the love inside

Trying not to believe I will always only be your secret....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 1:08am
Here is another of my favorites...........

in love with a married man

he says he loves me only, i'm the one who brings him joy

but would it be different if he found another toy

for years we've been together we've lived through thick and thin

a man who opened up his heart and finally let me in

my life on earth was lonely before he came along

he brought me love and laughter even though it was so wrong

i don't know why i love him so except to say he's mine

as near as any man can be with a wife on the other line

he thinks she knows nothing but us women always know

it's that womans' instinct and the pain begins to grow

if he could be just mine alone without her presence always near

would i ever totally believe the words of love i hear

when he'd go to work each day and leave me home to ponder

whether to believe him now would this heart start to wonder

sometimes i wish i didn't love this man so i could go on with my life

never have to feel the pain when he goes home to his wife

together in our hearts we are with understanding and love

we sincerely care for each other though not sanctioned from above

perhaps if we could start over in another place, another time

our love could be blessed by god i'd be his and he'd be mine

part of me wants to make him go and part wants him to stay

someday we'll have to break it off and each go our own way

for he wont break the ties that bind the chain that holds him so

she wont let go no matter what ....or is it him that wont let go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 1:15am
This speaks for itself.........

Hurt In My Heart

I told you not to hurt me

not to break this fragile heart

you went and did it anyway

I just kept getting torn apart

I keep falling deeper

each time hurting worst then the last

I don't know how to stop this

I can't run from the past

I thought you were different

that you loved me for me

you seemed so kind and sweet

but I was too blind to see

you're eyes gave me hope

that I finally found true love

you're smile made me believe

that there was a god above

it all came crashing down

of course what else is new

nothing in my life goes right

hurt is all I ever do

so I'm giving up on loving you

on you pretending you still care

because in the end I wont have you

You were never really there

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 7:19pm
Hey I liked your poems. I can totally relate because I used to feel that way. But now I gave up on it. No matter how much I love him--it is still wrong and it doesn't get made right and I am so glad that I am doing the right thing now even though I am in love.

Survive

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 7:35pm
Hey Survive, I hope someday I can sign my letters survived. I am just a little over a week out of this thing. Today hasn't been a very good day. I destroyed my life with this man, I think he loved me too but it just didn't work. I was with him 3 yrs. I feel like I am going out of my mind and it was my choice and I told him NC. Still my mind is so filled with him that I can't think of anything but him. My adult children have all but disowned me. Funny how trying to confess (they knew anyway) admit my wrong and try to talk to them they pushed me away. Example, I went to my oldest sons to visit the grandbaby today, he can make anyone smile, he is 3 yrs old. I was hardly spoken to. I visited awhile in the babies room then slipped out and left.My youngest son who will be 22 tuesday said things to me that I will never forgive him for, I am really taking a beating here. He said things to me i wouldn't have said to a hooker on a street corner. I could care less that he was just mad, I now have 2 relationshps lost. The most important ws my sons. For 25 yrs they saw their father beat me and verbally abuse me, I guess as poor excuse as it is I was looking for love and tenderness. I did for a while. I don't know how much more punishment I can take. I grieve for him and I am doing it alone. I won't talk to anyone about it now.Funny though my ex hubby wants me back. That isn't going to happen either. I gambled and lost. Sorry so long.........
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 9:03pm
I gambled and lost too one year ago. And it has taken one year of grieving to finally be ready to move on. I have older kids too and they aren't too happy with me. But you and I have to believe that it will change. Our kids are what really matters (not exMM) they will be there for you in 20 years---not him. My exMM has NEVER been ther for me. And I realized only recently that it is partly my fear of facing my REAL LIFE that has kept me holding on to our love. I am ready to face in now. You do your best each day and someday your kids will forgive you. Don't let him do any more damage to your REAL LIFE

Survive