Poof Gone n NC n the Power of Blocking
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| Thu, 07-22-2010 - 1:51pm |
Hello Gang,
No contact is such an amazing thing. Blocking them from all lines of communication is such a blessing. I am no contact now 7 months or so. I stopped counting exact days. It just did not matter anymore after a while. But about three months out, I was bombarded by fishing attempts. Emails and texts. Rarely calls. But a few hang ups and the like. I would be having a good day. Celebrating another day that I had gotten out of my hell hole. Then BAM! I would be hit by a mack truck by some email or text. They would be brief messages but packed and loaded with all the things I used to want to hear when I was a young, new newbie. I was always jealous of the other women because their ExAP's would fish. I would say to myself, at least he cared for her, at least he loved her. I was so sad and felt my A was less than the others because my exAp never fished. I was so warped in the head. I would hurt myself more with that dingy a$$ thinking.
Flash forward months later...He fishes....I was so shocked. I looked at my phone all kinds of ways. I read it like 10 times. I had taken off the block because it seemed unnecessary since I never heard from him in so long. I had taken off my armor and I was paying for it. It was so powerful. 6 words on a little screen took from healing to a wet little blanket who could barely lift herself up. I let him shake me to the core. I did not respond, yet he affected me so. It was luck all the work I had done was GONE, POOF!! He was controlling me. Controlling my thoughts. My progress gone, the esteem I began to rebuild-gone. My insight into who he really was-gone. What I thought we good memories began to seep in. I even smiled. YUCK!
I came here and I posted and eventually realized I could NEVER let my guard down again. Not only to exAp but similar predators. I had to eventually change my email and phone number to avoid the fishing attempts. I could not risk ANY toxic relationships further and I have no problem removing someone from my life that is not in it for my overall good health and well being.
So you see, NC is not a punishment for you or exAP. It's just necessary. You can see clearly and the long term benefits by far outweigh the initial pain from maintaining NC. The pain goes away and the benefits stay. And you use them in all aspects of your life and you build a new better you FOR YOU.
Ending an A is a such a lesson learned. I am still learning. I have freed myself of obsessive thoughts n take my time with things. I enjoy things I overlooked when I was in that dark dungeon. I am more positive. As I drive, my thoughts are hopeful for my future. I enjoy a walk in the park and leave my phone in the car and when I get back, I may look at it, I may not. All that obsessive thinking is GONE. Poof. I do think of him, but not with pain. I do wonder about him, but not with longing. I accept these thoughts and know that is part of the process.
Its a long process...but has benefited me in more ways that I can write. I have skills that I lacked. NO ONE can ever take from me. And I update them by staying on this board and supporting others the best I know how.
Hope this gets us all thru another day of NV/LC....
Luvin
PS The power of Blocking is so dang on liberating!

Luvin -
<<<>>>
What a great, positive way to look at it. Just like looking at the number of days in a positive way. It's not the number of days without XAP, it's the number of days we've had our lives back. I learn something new every time I read here.
Bodhi
Yes I had those same feelings of jealousy...why didn't my xMM contact me? He did not try to fish for me, so did I mean less? DOESN'T MATTER, we are blessed not to have additional contact!
<< But if he wanted to talk to me he would contact me. Right?>>
NOPE. Contact for him would mean power and control. If he contacted you it would be to yank your chain, see if he could get you back and interested in him again and then let you go. He would play the game again. You are the better opponent. You walked away with your head held high.
MovingON
Not necessarily. Men handle these things differently than us women. They somehow have this unique way of cutting the cord a lot more easily than we do. It's like they can disengage. Seems so unfair. How long NC are you? Time heals...Simple concept but hard for us to accept.
And unless you want to be in a hellish A again, thank your lucky stars he has not contacted you. It's like a body shot n you are down for the count. Try to redirect your thinking. Maybe not look at each day as thisis the one he may contact you, look at it as another day you are taking your life back for you n only you. If u are fresh out, give it time. There is no quick fix. No magic potion or pill.
Look at it like this, he could be selfish n keep you holding on to a fantasy. Instead, he let you go. You may just have to accept that you will never know why...other than the obvious. He let you go. I know that is painful but it's time you let you go. Hugs to ya...
LuvinYo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Edited 7/22/2010 5:26 pm ET by luvinmeforever10
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Hi Willow -
Luvin is right, men do generally handle things much differently than we do. And DO be thankful that he's not trying to contact you. I let my XAP string me along for 7 1/2 years Willow. And he would still be if I hadn't finally had the courage to say enough. He was also the king of shutting his feelings completely off when things got bad. He could be totally emotionless while I was crying my eyes out. Not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm seeing that more and more clearly every day, and so will you. I'm glad you're here.
Bodhi
It has been about a month since I heard from him. 2 weeks since I have contacted him. I know it is time to let go. I am trying, I do better some days than others. He lives on the same road as me and I have to pretty much pass his house everywhere I go. I saw him last week in the yard when I passed, that set me way back.
Hugs to you!!!
Wow 7 yrs. That took a lot of courage for you to give up 7 yrs. Hope I can be that strong one day.
Thanks and glad to be here.