To Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
To Posie
1
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 2:55pm
<< One also starts realising there is a substantial difference between choosing to end one's affair -and- choosing to end the affair in hopes of forcing an action or a reaction from one's affair partner >>

Ok, Posie,

I think that comment you made just made me realize something. I hate to even admit it, but I think what you said above is exactly what I'm doing. Not because I want to, but because I can't really help it. I know the A had to end because, as I told him, if we didn't intend to end up together, that I wouldn't be in the A to begin with. He chose his family so we ended things. Do I really want things to be over with us?? NO!!! But I don't want to be his A partner either. I want to be his!! I think another reason I need NC from him is because I'm hoping that he will miss me so much and realize that he really does want to be with me afterall.(which is where your comment fits.) I'm not sure if this is really helping me get over the affair when I really still have hopes that he will be mine. I do know that I will not go back to affair mode with him. But if he came back to me and was available, I'd definately take him back. So I guess now I need to ask, how do I give up hope that we will end up together? I know the A is over! Does the hope just die with it eventually? And do most single people who end their affairs with the married person have this same hope? Or do you have to give it ALL up to actually consider the affair ended?? I'm not sure how to give up hope. (Do I even make sense??)

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: pal1214
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 3:26pm
Hiya Pal,

That's a pretty big lightbulb to go off, isn't it? Congrats, it's offical, you will survive *grins*

Have a poke through this article, see what you think... It's actually a fairly accurate portrayal of what to expect about what you will experience...

http://www.couplescompany.com/Features/Grief/

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie





And always have at the front of your mind, "What is it about this man that helps me to feel good about myself?"