Posiepops, me again
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Posiepops, me again
| Thu, 12-09-2004 - 1:15pm |
Thanks again. Please feel free to say anything to me that you think will help. I do not get offended. Yes, I do need to get this over with. One thing that I want to bring to your attention is that Ex-OM does not know that I am dating my exhusband unless someone has told him. I haven't told him anything. I haven't had a personal discussion with him in a couple of months. So as far as I know, he doesn't know who I'm dating. I still wish he would have just told me that there was no future for us and not to get a divorce because of him.

Hiya SG,
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Lying, even by omission, is not a great place to begin/resume a relationship, is it?
Presumably, exH is equally unaware that he's immediately off the team if exOM starts sniffing around. People generally tend to get a mite tetchy when they work out they are disposable...
Whether or not anyone ever discovers anything, what exactly are your actions saying, SG?
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You have and have always had control over nothing more than your own actions. You chose to divorce and while there may have been hope at one time for it, there was never any guarantee that exOM would still be around to pick up the slack.
I've found counselling/therapy enormously helpful in working out just what the he11 it is I want and need out of life and of myself. I thoroughly recommend it, SG.
Posie
Hiya SG,
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Good stuff. Perhaps it would be helpful to discuss these things with your therapist.
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Provided you are both on the same page, this isn't an issue. It's when exH isn't aware that he is disposable or that he is simply keeping the seat warm for exOM on the off chance exOM should show an interest that it starts pinging warning bells.
Wouldn't it just plain suck to be in your exH's shoes - hopeful of a reconciliation, or building something better than you had before and not having any idea you were actually wholly & utterly disposable? I've known some fencesitters in my time, and even straddled the fence myself, but you've raised it to an artform, SG - You are fencesitting even though you're divorced!
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So dating exH is serving what function? Killing time? Keeping that open as a possibility
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No, that wasn't my intent. I questioned how it might appear to exOM were he to discover that you were dating exH. I also asked what it says about your actions versus your expressed hopes of being with exOM.
<<< Why should I have told him that? Since you think that he doesn't want me, why would I owe him an explanation as to who I am dating?>>>
Well, what exactly do you intend to tell exOM about your present relationship with your exH?
Regardless of whether or not exOM wants you, why would who you are dating be something that you would feel the need to keep secret or quiet? People talk, families talk, even friends & colleagues & neighbours talk. If it *is* something you'd rather not get back to exOM, you might clue in exH so he doesn't leak the information inadvertently.
My point to all this is that beginning or even resuming a relationship when it is based on lies (even if by omission) is not exactly a great starting point.
*IF* you wish to start some kind of relationship with exOM and *IF* he is open to this and *IF* your dating exH does get back to exOM rather than you telling him about it yourself openly and honestly, well, how do you expect exOM would view it especially *IF* he has great difficulty in trusting women having been, as you say, burnt before?
Again, this is all 100% pure speculation and the only person that has any real answers for you is exOM himself. Run this stuff by your therapist, too, I sure his/her input would be valuable.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie