Positive feeling toward xap-Dangerous?
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Positive feeling toward xap-Dangerous?
| Tue, 01-12-2010 - 6:19pm |
Hey~
I was just reviewing my older posts and I can see the dripping sadness and the confusion and the anger and

I don't think it's necessary for you to be mad at him in order to stay strong. In fact, I think that forgiveness and empathy is healthy for healing for everyone. However, breaking NC IS going to lead you in a backward slide and you're bargaining with yourself right now trying to justify doing it. You already know you cannot be 'friends' with this person. So, why are you having this internal struggle? Try to take any soft feelings you have for your xAP and use them to heal -- remember, we do not put the ones we care for in harm's way; this includes YOU.
Forgive this relative newbie (me) for jumping in with my 2cents, but this is the very speech I give myself on a daily basis. ;) My situation is a little icky right now because xAP and I set a date of Feb 1 (three months from the time of going NC) to 'check in' with each other. I'm sick to my stomach about it.
Stay free, Free!
xo
Dee
Your sitch seems different than most.
Hey, energy-
We've been nc for about 7 weeks...I think?...I stopped counting days/weeks a while ago...I am no longer defining myself in terms of how long it has been since my world crashed....
I was/am/will be forever
Hey, dee....
Are you serious about the "Check-in?" You're not, right?
Don't do it. Just...................don't.
Free
yah, no. really. When we mutually decided to end it, we promised two things: 1) we'd warn the other if a d-day was coming, and 2) we'd check in on Feb 1. Since the ending on Nov 3rd, I broke NC and he told me that we could not be friends and that he need complete NC to heal, and I agreed (but was hurt by his coldness) and then, he reminded me of our two promises. He wanted reassurance that I was not going to expose the A, and then we left it sort of opened ended about the Feb 1 check in, him saying, "I guess we'll just have to assess our needs at that time to see if we break NC." I told him that I would never initiate contact with him and so if NC were to be broken, it was up to him. However, I did not say if he were to break NC, I would necessarily respond. ICK. Gee, if I had it to do over again, I would have put the kabosh on any hope of future contact, but I was too caught off guard. I flubbed it. Now what?? I want to email him and tell him to forget Feb 1 but that is counter-intuitive, isn't it! Break NC to say, "I don't want to break NC." ha. Ok, so I have this god-awful date looming and the suspense is killing me. I know it will be a challenge to act appropriately if he breaks NC and I wish like hell I didn't have this stumbling block to contend with.
Thanks for listening. I know you get it.
Bth!
Dee