Oh NC, i am so sorry, so sorry, i don't know what to say other than join heartache's point about it being best not living in post dday hell for the remainder of your life. NC i think we are in the same country, where are you? Please PM, if possible and if you wanted the company, i can come to see you.
Don't let it get to you, NC. I said a lot of things in the heat of the moment that I head-smacked myself for.
Emotions run high - none of us are perfect - and sometimes, in an emotional moment, we say the less than perfect thing.
There IS no perfect way to do things, NC. And I don't know a single person after a d-day who managed to be perfect and do everything right after.
So please don't beat yourself up over one comment. That won't be productive, and won't do anything to help you move forward (regardless of where things end up).
NC, please no matter what refer to yourself like that again ok? You are not that way at all. Like so many people do in many situations you made a choice that resulted in consequences and reactions that were out of your control. You had no way of knowing how peoples reactions would be, I am certain if you did you would not have made the same choice. I believe you when you say you feel remorse and that you want to rebuild your marriage, I feel you are very genuine in this and I feel your sadness and pain. Take this time away from your H and remove yourself from any discussion about the A with him or people that do not have your best interest at heart and focus on becoming healthier for you and for your kids. Lead them through example, it is a gift they will be thankful for. Please take care NC, my thoughts and prayers will be with you.
You are a beautiful, smart, loving human. We humans make mistakes. We stuff up. Sometimes we stuff up HUGE. But we regret. We apologise with our souls and we try to make it up to the people we love. If the people we love wont allow this, we love them more by giving them space. You need to let H have his space now sweetheart. You have done everything you can possibly do, including opting for a life with him LONG before DDay. You chose him- with all his faults. If he cant work on accepting this huge fault of yours- you have no options honey.
Ok here is your plan.
#1 Firstly I will email you my number. I can be there if you need and I can talk on the phone anytime. I can meet you halfway for a weekend of therapy! Anything you need honey. We have few friends who we can be totally honest with and even fewer who have empathy for our situations. Please feel free to contact me anytime!!!!!
#2 Take the calls about the house. Get it valued and ready for sale. Go with 50/50 - you contributed to this household too! Use that smart brain to maximise the outcome for the whole family.
#3 (this is really #1) Get the kids into counselling asap. Talk to your counsellor if they refuse. Write them a letter. If they wont hear you now- they will in time- and they need to know that you never stopped loving them or their Dad. This was a stupid mistake and you worked as hard as you could to apologise and do anything to try to make amends.
#4 Stop being harsh on yourself. You are not pondscum. You are a human woman who made a mistake. We all do- and Im damn sure your H did at some point too. This was not 'your fault'. This was a mistake- a mistake that many couples recover from. Your H sounds like he has some issues too- until both of you deal individually and together with these issues- there will be no getting past what happened. You seem to want this. Maybe your H will one day too- but not at this time. Thats ok- give him his healing space. But please put down the self-flagulator. Its not healing you honey.
#5 Forgive yourself of anything you think you said that was less than helpful. I doubt you said anything too bad- and Im sure your H could have used better phrases as well. Its the heat- the emotion- dont weigh yourself down with it honey.
Ok I think thats all I have today. I am here for you. I am praying for you. You and your family will gt through this.
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NC,
I just want to say I am so very sorry for what you and your family are going through.
Oh NC- I am so sorry for your pain.
Oh NC, i am so sorry, so sorry, i don't know what to say other than join heartache's point about it being best not living in post dday hell for the remainder of your life. NC i think we are in the same country, where are you? Please PM, if possible and if you wanted the company, i can come to see you.
V888
xxxxx
i only said that once last night in desparation.................
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
Emotions run high - none of us are perfect - and sometimes, in an emotional moment, we say the less than perfect thing.
There IS no perfect way to do things, NC. And I don't know a single person after a d-day who managed to be perfect and do everything right after.
So please don't beat yourself up over one comment. That won't be productive, and won't do anything to help you move forward (regardless of where things end up).
Hugs,
Kim
Dear NC
Listen up and listen up good :)
You are a beautiful, smart, loving human. We humans make mistakes. We stuff up. Sometimes we stuff up HUGE. But we regret. We apologise with our souls and we try to make it up to the people we love. If the people we love wont allow this, we love them more by giving them space. You need to let H have his space now sweetheart. You have done everything you can possibly do, including opting for a life with him LONG before DDay. You chose him- with all his faults. If he cant work on accepting this huge fault of yours- you have no options honey.
Ok here is your plan.
#1 Firstly I will email you my number. I can be there if you need and I can talk on the phone anytime. I can meet you halfway for a weekend of therapy! Anything you need honey. We have few friends who we can be totally honest with and even fewer who have empathy for our situations. Please feel free to contact me anytime!!!!!
#2 Take the calls about the house. Get it valued and ready for sale. Go with 50/50 - you contributed to this household too! Use that smart brain to maximise the outcome for the whole family.
#3 (this is really #1) Get the kids into counselling asap. Talk to your counsellor if they refuse. Write them a letter. If they wont hear you now- they will in time- and they need to know that you never stopped loving them or their Dad. This was a stupid mistake and you worked as hard as you could to apologise and do anything to try to make amends.
#4 Stop being harsh on yourself. You are not pondscum. You are a human woman who made a mistake. We all do- and Im damn sure your H did at some point too. This was not 'your fault'. This was a mistake- a mistake that many couples recover from. Your H sounds like he has some issues too- until both of you deal individually and together with these issues- there will be no getting past what happened. You seem to want this. Maybe your H will one day too- but not at this time. Thats ok- give him his healing space. But please put down the self-flagulator. Its not healing you honey.
#5 Forgive yourself of anything you think you said that was less than helpful. I doubt you said anything too bad- and Im sure your H could have used better phrases as well. Its the heat- the emotion- dont weigh yourself down with it honey.
Ok I think thats all I have today. I am here for you. I am praying for you. You and your family will gt through this.
Iggy xxx
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