Post your neutralizing visualizations!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Post your neutralizing visualizations!
7
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 7:23pm
After reading the post on not hating but Neutralizing our feelings for the OM/OW I wondered if we might think about and share ways of doing this. Or thoughts we have that accomplish this.

For me it's remembering watching xOM eating. The expression *where you brought up in a barn* comes to mind when I think of that.

Which is embarrassing to admit to be honest. Geeez what did I see in him?

Someday



Edited 9/19/2004 7:26 pm ET ET by someday444


Edited 9/19/2004 7:27 pm ET ET by someday444

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 8:14pm

GREAT idea, Someday! I love it!


As I said in my original post, I visualize XOM on the toilet. Icky, yes, but it works! I guess it's "aversion therapy!" That was the only thing that worked for me at first because I did (and still do to an extent) tend to think of him as superhuman. That reminds me that he's no different from anyone else. Another one that works is visualizing him trip down the stairs or something equally humilating. :) Might be a little crazy but it keeps my fantasies in check and minimizes the "romanicizing" if the affair in my mind.


Another trick...and I don't claim that this is entirely healthy BUT it kept me from sleeping with him recently...OK, we all felt so sexy and alive with these guys. I used to picture sex with him in my head as this mind-blowing, sweet, passionate coming together experience in which I ALWAYS had the perfect body and looked just HOT! That's how he made me feel, and I bought into a lot of crap because of that. So now, I picture the sex from HIS point of view...I see my body as it is now, imperfections and insecurities and all, I think what HE might be thinking- that he's screwing a married girl AND has a great girlfriend at home. And that he doesn't have to answer to me, the MW. And that he'll look at me at work tomorrow and think, "yeah, i won. i got her into bed. too bad she's bugging me about being friends! oh, well, i got a piece of ass out of it!" and, sadly, I see myself through his eyes and think, "how stupid is she!?"


I mean, yeah, I am still to good for him

Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 12:53am
Great thread!

I see him walking into a Christmas party with a STUPID Santa hat that he got at the equivalent of The Dollar Store. He looked so dumb and thought he was so funny and cute! NOT! He later told me he wanted to have sex with me while he wore that hat. Why? I have no idea!

He also eats like a farm animal! He has the worst manners I have ever seen!

AND...that bench he sits on after school is just his big toilet.

Oh yea - that hickey he had on his neck once too - he is a little old for that!

Thanks for helping me start off the week!

-lazy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 12:46pm
Wow that is so funny, I guess he must have thought Santa was a really popular guy with the ladies...I am so glad I have this board to turn to, I know in his case he only has his moron friends and I hadnt even considered no contact until I came here so I am so grateful. When I visualize the bad things of him it has to be his laugh, its like a hyena, and he always says this same "joke" everytime he answers his phone and it is just not funny, also he can never be alone by himself he is so needy not to mention shallow. Here is his grand plan for life: Make money, buy guy toys, show them off, have sex with numerous women. I really pity the girl that is his next gf because I know she will be miserable and I know he will cheat on her. I think he just could be the devil in disguise! Thanks for the thoughts!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 12:57pm
1. He threw little childish temper tantrums, during one of which he damaged my car.

2. He now has to go back to having sex with his unattractive, overweight wife who knows he

cheated on her and who he told that sex with me was incredible.

3. He has to live the rest of his life with a woman who knows he cheated on her and holds grudges (she doesn't speak to several of her siblings apparently).

4. He has a crappy job and not much prospect of getting a better one.

5. He is an ex-drug addict and alcoholic.

6. He has a criminal record for drugs and stealing.

7. He never finished college b/c he was on drugs during his senior year.

8. He is extremely immature.

9. He eats sort of like a neanderthal.

Wow, what DID I see in this guy!!! :) (okay the sex WAS incredible...that must've been about it!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 1:46pm
This is great for the way I have been feeling...hmmm lets see where I can start.

He would throw a temper tantrum like my youngest child. He kissed like a fish out of water gasping for air..LOL He also would beltch almost every other moment under his breath and act like it was nothing. What the heck was I thinking? I will come back to read this post every time I THINK I miss him. Oh and he smoked cigars like they were cigarettes and I don't smoke! Thank you ladies you all are too kind to help me get past this, Drinks are on me when ever you like. Soul
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:31am
OMG I love this thread!! I was feeling so sappy and missing MM tonight, this is just what I needed to read, thanks guys!

I am visualizing the last time I went to see him in a bar and he was flirting with a girl from his work while I was waiting for a ride home from him. A drunk jerk came up and started talkin crap to me and so I went over to MM and interrupted his flirting. He looked at me like I was such a drag and basically told me "Later babe, I'm not ready to go yet." What an a$$. The look in his eyes was as cold as ice. I'll never forget that.

Each time I think of that situation, it reminds me that he was never the God I made him out to be in my head.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 11:45am
Well after posting this I have thought about it some more and realized something. I am honestly embarrassed to admit some of my OM's faults. I can't believe I was so *hooked* on him for so long!

My OM could not hold a job. :(

Now mind you I wouldn't care if he could support himself, but he is always sponging off of someone. And he never gave me a darn thing during the 4+ years we saw each other. Although he always managed to buy himself anything he wanted.

I really really would have appreciated a darn card for my birthday or something. Guess I hadn't thought about how selfish he was till now. *sighs*

Someday