Posters today!?!?!?!
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| Mon, 06-06-2005 - 3:58pm |
Is it me or do we have some HARSH posters today. I realize some are farther along on the "moving on" trail... and you think those of us that are still back at the beginning or middle are ignorant and not able to see what you so clearly and intelligently see... but give us a break... at LEAST we are posting on THIS ENDING an A board and not SUPPORT for my A board.
Just seems like a lot of the replies to topics are really intense and sort of pushy to a degree... like acting like Mo enjoys the drama - or saying that I am obviously not ready to move on... BULL - I wouldn't be here... I wouldn't be posting and trying to work through some of the things I'm carrying with me if I didn't want to move on.
Stop acting holier than thou and just be kind and sympathetic... I did NOT say SUPPORTIVE (as in encouraging us to mope or sit in the doldrums of our ending A... or the drama sprouting after we left whatever) I said SYMPATHETIC - something you probably wanted and got when you were fresh out of your A. Don't expect us to be as far along as you must be. It take TIME!
That's just my feeling on SOME of the posters hanging around today!

Since I have been *hanging* around here and I do have a tough love approach, I will assume you were addressing me.
I didn't realize that I was being harsh, but rather honest.
Imanewposter,
I think this board has an incredible amount of experience and insight that frankly, I have yet to find any where else (it's not like I can read all the A books I want at home on my couch).
When I first posted I too got a dose of heavy words... words I wasn't quite ready for. However, those same words started to make sense over time and I still come back to some of the harsher ones.
This board is here for support and I really don't want to change the honesty that is present. If you don't think someone is right... it's just like a friend in real life - give a slight smile, say "thank you" and go about your way. No reason to take it personally.
If the T I saw 9 years ago had given me the non sugar-coated version I might not be here today. It takes some harshness to get us to wake up.
Again, the nature of this board is that we put ourselves out there. It's a journal that talks back. We are always allow to "not listen" or make the decision that it doesn't apply to us, but I don't want to change the directness of what is said since I think most of us need to hear it.
WIP
all I am saying is... today seems to be less sugar-coat than some of the other days I've been around... that's all!
Just wondering if I was the only one who'd noticed or if the other days I were just the same and I hadn't noticed then.
I sure as heck am not trying to change the tone of the board... I just hope these "harsh" posters aren't scaring away hurt and deflated individuals that WANT to get out of their A and need alittle GENTLE push to do so! Sometimes it's best to figure out what someone needs before offering your "type" of support.
poster,
sometimes harsh is necessary to get he blood flowing and seeing beyond the fog of lies in the affair
i used to post a lot here but i am seeing so much pain, im in pain myself up to now, i was depressed and lost a lot of weight, cant sleep and eat, some posters were harsh in some way but i always see it as help , i cant see the light at that time , still up to today i am having a hard time still but i am trying to get OW out of my mind
on behalf of those posters that seems to be harsh, i know they all mean well, this is a great place to get support, the people here have literally save my life some months ago
pls, look past beyong those harsh words and see the truth behind them, sometime the truth hurt
i wish u well, take care
max
IANP,
Sometimes "tough love" (I'd rather call it this, than use the word harsh) is necessary when we see a new poster (such as yourself) flip flopping around between ending, and still stuck. Many of us also read "all" of the boards relating to affairs, such as myself periodically, and I happened to stumble across something you wrote ASB last night.....
<<<,well... I tried to call - a number of times... he didn't answer... not sure he had his phone with him, besides with Wifey gone he had his hands full; but FORTUNATELY he didn't answer and by the end of the night I was like "what the hell am I doing?>>>>
What if he had answered? What were you going to say to him?
I know, more than I care to admit, how hard it is to let go. But if you really want to end the pain of your affair, NC is the only way to go. I look at it as NNP (no
I for one totally appreciate all the honest support/butt-kicking I get when I throw my sh#t on the floor here. Do you think I couldn't predict what Free was going to say when I clicked on the "start a discussion" button yesterday?
I have from time to time felt like this community was not quite as warm and fuzzy as I would have liked, and it was ALWAYS because I was looking for someone to co-sign my BS.
In the book The Four Agreements, one of the principles to live by is not to take anything personally. And so it must be here. Each poster throws out the advice that saved their life. They've never met you. They don't know who you are, all the life experiences you've had and what might have caused you to make the decisions that wound you up in the situation of trying to end an A. If it seems "harsh," try to dissect the wisdom from these folks with experience, and leave your feelings out of it.
I think it fair to say that no one is trying to hurt anyone's feelings here. I think we're all in various stages of BTDT and are sharing our experience, strength and hope in ending an A. So if I need my butt kicked (or a gentle push, perhaps????) to keep this blubberhead XMM out of my life, I know I need to come here and post honestly, knowing that it will save me from making a big mistake. In recovery, we have a saying that we're here to save our @ss, not our face.
I wouldn't know Free if I walked into her on the street. But so many times she's given me the benefit of her experience and made me see the insanity in my perspective on a situation. I'm grateful. If everyone on this board co-signed my BS, I might be calling the XMM and apologizing for calling him a disease-carrying piece of trash yesterday.
Just my .02. Love, Mo.