Powerful NC posts reaching lurkers make a huge impact!
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Powerful NC posts reaching lurkers make a huge impact!
| Sat, 10-16-2010 - 3:29pm |
Hello everyone,
My name is Jen and I have lurked on ivillage boards for so many years that I feel like I know so many of the posters on a first name basis.

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Thank you heartsofsix for the welcome.
Hi newlife,
Thank you for the welcome.
Jen,
Welcome out of lurkdom!
All of u are gonna be just fine.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Hi Dee,
Thank you for the welcome.
Hi Jen!
Yes...Im energy central! Been this way my whole life (that long thing) :)
I can HEAR what youre saying - your sadness - and really identify with it being, as you said, MOURNING yourself and what you allowed yourself to be a part of.
I see that as a SILVER LINING that no matter what your age- this being the first time in your life where you're "alone" with yourself - is sort of a HUGE BLESSING. At least you see it NOW and not 10 years from now. For YOUR sake.
Self discovery is scary. It's been easier (at least 4 me) to "hide" behind things - like this affair or how crappy "he was" blah blah...instead of turning the spot light on myself and saying WHAT AM I DOING!??!?!!? WHY DO I BELIEVE I DESERVE THIS CRAP?!?! Why dont I think Im worth something more, or better? Something I can give myself would be better than this Im doing...
I dont want to pry - but I'll just ask - have you explored what you think it is about you / your history / your core - that kept you stuck?
Jen,
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
The way we are left feeling, the emptiness, the broken promises, the diet of crumbs and swamp water, the living in spaces, the absolutely repugnant ways that we come to view their littlest acts of kindness to us as signs of care - it makes me feel absolutely sick to think about all those living in those tiny little holes in the walls that xAPs have us crawl into.
Makes me even sadder to see sooooo many people deem this as an acceptable way to be treated. Makes me even more frustrated to see people supported for their destructive behaviors. I look back at all the colluding and enabling I received, and I feel so disappointed. I feel disappointed in myself for seeking them out, and disappointed that 'they' didn't push me to strongly reconsider the INEVITABLE outcomes of my actions.
Self-entitlement to have an affair (oh, so much is missing in my life, I would loose so much if I left my H, but my H doesn't deserve to know the truth etc ...) slowly turns into the wolf in sheep's clothing thing when you find out the one thing you thought was going to be good for you, turns out to be your worst nightmare. And worse still, people will encourage you to go back for more, to learn to cope with the horror.
And people are accused of being unsupportive if you try and say "stop the madness! You deserve more, his family deserves more. You are acting like a self-harming fool"
No one living in the margins of an A can have a full life. And the toll in takes on those who stay there ... well we all know what that feels like.
I wish you my best as you move forward,
TU.
Hi newlife,
I am still piecing together
Thank you luvinmeforever for the welcome.
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