Powerful NC posts reaching lurkers make a huge impact!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Powerful NC posts reaching lurkers make a huge impact!
23
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 3:29pm

Hello everyone,

My name is Jen and I have lurked on ivillage boards for so many years that I feel like I know so many of the posters on a first name basis.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

Thank you heartsofsix for the welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

Hi newlife,

Thank you for the welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009

Jen,

Welcome out of lurkdom!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
You newbies are such a great bunch! Seriously, have not seen such a big group of new posters be so supportive since I been on the boards. Which is almost a year...can not wait till I am a big time Vet! Lol ;)
All of u are gonna be just fine.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

Hi Dee,

Thank you for the welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

Hi Jen!

Yes...Im energy central! Been this way my whole life (that long thing) :)

I can HEAR what youre saying - your sadness - and really identify with it being, as you said, MOURNING yourself and what you allowed yourself to be a part of.

I see that as a SILVER LINING that no matter what your age- this being the first time in your life where you're "alone" with yourself - is sort of a HUGE BLESSING. At least you see it NOW and not 10 years from now. For YOUR sake.

Self discovery is scary. It's been easier (at least 4 me) to "hide" behind things - like this affair or how crappy "he was" blah blah...instead of turning the spot light on myself and saying WHAT AM I DOING!??!?!!? WHY DO I BELIEVE I DESERVE THIS CRAP?!?! Why dont I think Im worth something more, or better? Something I can give myself would be better than this Im doing...

I dont want to pry - but I'll just ask - have you explored what you think it is about you / your history / your core - that kept you stuck?

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010

Jen,

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Yes Jen ... it is GREAT that you've come out of Lurkdom. I am also relieved to hear that people are impacted by the wisdom shared here, even if they aren't ready to act on it yet. I completely believe that deep down, every single person in an affair knows that they are participating in something destructive and harmful to themselves. It's not even "fun while it lasted" for most people ...

The way we are left feeling, the emptiness, the broken promises, the diet of crumbs and swamp water, the living in spaces, the absolutely repugnant ways that we come to view their littlest acts of kindness to us as signs of care - it makes me feel absolutely sick to think about all those living in those tiny little holes in the walls that xAPs have us crawl into.

Makes me even sadder to see sooooo many people deem this as an acceptable way to be treated. Makes me even more frustrated to see people supported for their destructive behaviors. I look back at all the colluding and enabling I received, and I feel so disappointed. I feel disappointed in myself for seeking them out, and disappointed that 'they' didn't push me to strongly reconsider the INEVITABLE outcomes of my actions.

Self-entitlement to have an affair (oh, so much is missing in my life, I would loose so much if I left my H, but my H doesn't deserve to know the truth etc ...) slowly turns into the wolf in sheep's clothing thing when you find out the one thing you thought was going to be good for you, turns out to be your worst nightmare. And worse still, people will encourage you to go back for more, to learn to cope with the horror.

And people are accused of being unsupportive if you try and say "stop the madness! You deserve more, his family deserves more. You are acting like a self-harming fool"

No one living in the margins of an A can have a full life. And the toll in takes on those who stay there ... well we all know what that feels like.

I wish you my best as you move forward,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

Hi newlife,

I am still piecing together

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004

Thank you luvinmeforever for the welcome.