A Precautionary tale... (PLEASE READ!!!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
A Precautionary tale... (PLEASE READ!!!)
16
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 12:07am
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Edited 6/20/2010 8:35 pm ET by llostagain

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 12:52am
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Edited 6/20/2010 8:36 pm ET by llostagain

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 2:10am

I honestly wish I could just hug you. This is a lot to take in and I can imagine all that must be racing through our mind.


I really think you should talk to an attorney even if all you can afford right now is a consultation. One that specializes in wrongful terminations might be your best bet. Not that you are facing a wrongful termination just they might know all the ins and outs of an HR investigation. I wouldn’t say anything further to HR until you speak to an attorney. Call your T and see if you can get in for an emergency session. Also there is a former poster that works in HR. I will look up her moniker. Maybe if she receives email through the board you can email her.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 2:22am

Her name is Sara and her moniker is btdtbd44. She is a HR Director.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2008
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 7:30am

Hi,


I rarely come on the boards these days & it's amazing to me when I do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 12:52pm

Dear Lost,

I just wanted to respond to you to say that I am thinking about you. I can't imagine how overwhelmed you feel right now and unfair the situation feels. My stomach aches for you. You however, are so strong. I can't believe it has been 6 months - you're stronger than you know, and have courage you have yet to fully discover. You will manage whatever consequences (continue) to come your way. For some of us, karma comes quickly around, for others, they will spend a lifetime wondering what the costs will be. You will move through this: will grace, dignity and insights galore.

We believe in you,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 2:22pm

Lost...

I'm sorry you're going through this. I do have so say, though, that I think you need to let the whole, "why did he use me, etc., etc., etc.," thoughts go, and focus instead on asking yourself why you were willing to jeopardize your job by first violating HIPA, and then by telling them you did it! It sounds like you did this long after you knew that he was a liar and a snake. IMHO, THIS should be what you are taking a look at and seriously evaluating. You knew it was wrong. Honestly, I think you SHOULD be fired for this. It's against the law. I'm not saying this to be mean, either. But you did do it, and therefore you really should have to pay the consequences. However, I don't think you should go ratting yourself out. I would say absolutely nothing more to HR about it. Answer their questions if you must, but don't volunteer anything more to incriminate yourself. And NEVER, EVER, EVER do such a thing again.

As for his wife, of course she's in cahoots with him. She has to be in order to justify to herself why she would stay with a man that has no respect for her or their marriage whatsoever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 3:11pm

((Lost)) You have received some great advice from some great women.

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 7:06pm

I'm not going to lecture on what you did wrong as I think you know already and need some support.


I would go about collecting what info you need to give to HR - cell phone records to show he was harassing you and any recordings, cards, texts, e-mails...


I think what happened here is that after 6 months of him calling and calling, he realized he could not control you. He probably sees that the only way he could control you or assert his prescene in your life is to take you down work wise. Bottom line: it is about CONTROL for him.


I believe we reap what we sow and surely he will eventually have to account for all you went through for months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 10:02pm

To imsosorry:


Bravo on an EXCELLENT post. It is chock-full of very, very VERY good advice to follow...tons of wisdom there for this young woman to glean what she needs to get through these feelings of dread. Your message of hope was not full of unicorns and fairies but rather the TRUTH of responsibility, sensability and healthy methods of moving on to keep learning the lesson until we get it right. I hope she prints it out and reads it every day.


Nice Job! That was very generous of you,


Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 10:14pm

that I think you need to let the whole, "why did he use me, etc., etc., etc.," thoughts go, and focus instead on asking yourself why you were willing to jeopardize your job by first violating HIPA, and then by telling them you did it! It sounds like you did this long after you knew that he was a liar and a snake. IMHO, THIS should be what you are taking a look at and seriously evaluating. You knew it was wrong. Honestly, I think you SHOULD be fired for this. It's against the law. I'm not saying this to be mean, either. But you did do it, and therefore you really should have to pay the consequences. However, I don't think you should go ratting yourself out. I would say absolutely nothing more to HR about it. Answer their questions if you must, but don't volunteer anything more to incriminate yourself. And NEVER, EVER, EVER do such a thing again.


Sillyme1200,


Those were my thoughts exactly. As someone who was taught in my orientation how important it is to not violate HIPPA regulations and the reasons why and also the consequences...this is a hard lesson to learn if someone breaks those rules for personal reasons because that person is already emotionally immature for doing so ...so the entitlement mentality will MAKE it Hard for them to learn the lesson...now they are forced to. . For those who are entrusted with the access to this information you either are right for that job or you are not and shouldn't have it. In that case, if she does get fired, just like anyone else who makes that choice to violate, losing your job is the price you pay and you know that going in. She says she is young, this is not an excuse except it is a matter of MATURITY. I think she has hopefully aged her maturity now if anything good is to be learned.


No one is more important to take care of, than yourself and the secret to a life

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