Pregnant and dumped by MM
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 03-01-2005 - 2:49pm |
Well i recently found out that I'm pregnant by MM. He's been married for about two years and I'm engaged to be married. When I told him I was pregnant, and that it was his, he told me that he wished he could leave and never look back but that he couldn't do that because it wasn't the right thing to do.
My emotions were running rampant and I desperately didn't want to lose my finace (whom I love dearly) so he convinced me to tell my finace that he was the father (I know, big mistake)and I did. MM and I ended our "romantic" relationship but he promised he would be there for emotional support.
Since then he hasn't returned any of my emails and hasn't called. I just can't accepted that he's gone and out of my life forever, especially since I'm carrying his child. I'm having a hard time dealing with being dumped and lied to. I want desperately to let go and forgive him for acting this way. How can I say goodbye to him when I have a constant reminder of him in my life?
I'm not sure when my life became a Maury Povich show, but I desperately want a normal life again. I'm tired of checking my emails and waiting for the phone to ring. I know what I did was a mistake and I will regret it forever, but how can I move on from this?

Pages
<<>>
Let me get this straight. Your xMM convinced you to tell your fiance that "He, your fiance" is the father?" Do you know for a fact whether he really might be? Could this be possible?
Oh what webs we weave. I know you are in emotional pain right now but PLEASE think hard and long about the MUCH BIGGER LIE you are bestowing on this innocent child inside of you, if you continue to keep this "LIE" a secret. I know this sounds impossible for you to comprehend at the moment, but you need to come clean to everyone involved because sweetie, someday the karma train is going run right over you. SOMEDAY the child you are carrying will find out the truth and you will lose everything. I've witnessed it in my own family. I've seen such lies backfire and sputter out of control to where families were destroyed.
Pray hard on this one....Try to do what is right,
**Id**
Edited 3/1/2005 4:02 pm ET ET by id_diosyncrity
BIG GIANT HUGS to you!!!!!
First, how do you know this is absolutely your MMs baby you are carrying?
This is such a delicate situation and I have no idea what to say to you. But will try. I would not have told the fiance/MM it was his unless I knew for sure.
My dear friend was in a long term on again, off again relationship. While on the off cycle, she met a new guy and began dating. After the relationship ended, she found out she was pregnant. Wasn't sure who the baby belonged to (b/c she was sleeping with both)but went with the safest bet. Well, it wasn't the long term BF baby after all. After the child was about one/two, the truth came out. This caused alot of emotional destruction to all families involved to include her family, long term bf family, and OM's family. It's been 7 years and lots of hard work to correct that situation. Please proceed with caution because many more lives are affected by this than you think. If you are not sure, the truth is best told now. MM may think you are just saying this b/c you are trying to keep him in your life.
HUGS!!!!
SS
Ban
First put the marriage idea on hold if your CHEATING on you future husband before you marry him then there has to be real problems that need to be fixed before you try and make a family with him, DO NOT lie to your F about the baby that is just totally wrong.
The fact that you have agreed to LIE for the XMM to your future husband suggests that your F is not really a priority in your life that XMM holds that position, so again put the marriage idea on the back burner until you do some really serious work on yourself with a individual councelor or therapist because if you don't you will be cheating again before you know it and divorced shortly after that because your not going to get away with it forever no one does.
Get a paternaty test ASAP and go after the XMM for child support, that baby is intitled to it, the money belongs to the child not you, YOU OWE XMM NOTHING AT ALL.
JMHO
Free
You ask how to move on from this....
You can choose to keep your knowledge about who the father is and hope for the best, including similar blood type.
You can choose to tell fiancee the truth and let the chips fall as they may.
"That cad has shown his true stripes and isn't coming around any longer......."
Wow, such a cad, actually lying to the fiance about paternity of the baby...Oh wait a minute, he didn't do it, she did! She's just as much of a "cad" as the MM...Suckering some guy into believing that he fathered a child is just as bad, if not worse than not taking responsibility for the child.
Edited to include status correction posted below by Callistus, thereby rendering my original opening sentence moot.
I'm a single OW and ended my A of 8 years today. TBH even if Callistus was a BS (he's actually an exOM as I understand it) I'd still agree with him.
How is adding more lies on top of existing lies going to help anyone? Least of all the poor child!?
Worst case scenario is the F decides he wants to end the relationship and Banster raises the child as a single parent. At least it's done without trickery and lies. At least the right father is the one stuck with paying child support.
You mentioned God. I must have missed the bit where God promotes lying to cover your tail. Man, I foolishly thought the lying & denial stopped when the A ended.
Congratulations on ending your affair.
As to Callistus' status, until posted otherwise by him directly, I'll continue with my own understanding of him as I recall his posts over two years, thank you.
As to "worst case scenario", perhaps your version (judgement) of what's "worst" isn't so for Banster. Perhaps for you. Yet you're not Banster, are you? Neither am I. So I leave my judgement out of the posts and leave the the decision of what to do with the person directly involved, i.e., Banster.
Yes, I mentioned God. I suggest you re-read my post.
Callistus was very helpful to me. He's big enough to speak for himself. I wont bother defending him when your mind seems made up.
As for the worst case scenario thing, I was raised in a one parent family. From first hand experience it's not such a bad thing. It would at least be real and honest. Would you really want to be a kid with the steel springed trap of your identity just waiting to go off?
I work in an accounts department for a hospital. God forbid such a thing happens but sometimes a child needs an urgent blood transfusion. Oops Dad can't give blood because oops Dad's not the Dad. What about father's medical history and all that good stuff? Allergies? Any history of heart disease, diabetes, cancer?
I gave an opinion just like others did. Is my post judgement because I suggested something other than throwing more lies on top of lies? Banster will make whatever decision she wants to make. School of hard knocks tells me most people take the line of least resistance and do pretty much whatever suits them. I did. Today I stopped.
I John 1:7-10 as I just looked it up clearly recommends walking in the light, fellowship with one another, oh and CONFESSING in order that we may be forgiven. The only bit about lying I see in there is about not denying your own sin since it makes a liar of God.
Is lying considered walking in the light? Does fellowship involve lying? Is confession selective or something?
I'm not being mean, I just still don't see where God promotes lying.
I don't have a tail to cover. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this board.
~Rivendell~
<<>>
This is exactly what I was getting at when I responded to this thread. Lying about paternity is a time bomb waiting to explode. And who gets
Pages