The process of Moving On

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
The process of Moving On
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 12:44pm
Thought you might enjoy reading this.

This Weeks Relationship Article:

"The Process of Moving on"

By Susie and Otto Collins

Someone wrote to us recently and asked "how do

you move forward when your spouse has cheated

and divorced you for someone else?"

This is the question we're going to address in this

week's newsletter.

Before we address this issue, it's important to

understand that the answer to this question is

not just about how to rebound after your spouse

cheats on you and leaves you. It's about the mind

set that allows you to rebound from anything you

don't want to have happen in your life.

If your partner or spouse has left you for another

person, here's the most important thing you can

do to begin the healing process.

It's to recognize that you may have many

relationships that come and go throughout

your life, but your intrinsic value as a human

being should never be judged by who you are

in a relationship with or even whether you're

in an intimate relationship at all.

This same thing holds true whether you've lost

a job, gone bankrupt or any other crisis we

humans face.

Recently we attended a weekend workshop

and met John Alston and Lloyd Thaxton,

authors of the book "Stuff Happens (and then

you fix it.)

Both authors had come through personal crises

and their purpose in writing the book was to give

people tangible ways to rebound quickly from the

"stuff" that happens in their lives.

The important thing that we got from John and

Lloyd was pick yourself up when "stuff happens"

and move forward with your life in a positive

direction (even when things look bad.)

When Susie's ex-husband left their marriage

many years ago, she was devastated. She

found herself mourning not only their marriage,

but the activities and the life they had shared.

She remembers one day, several months after

he left, deciding that she wasn't going to dwell

on the past any longer. She was going to look

ahead to the future--her future.

In that moment, she felt like she was physically

turning her body away from the past and looking

toward a future of possibilities.

She also had to embrace her self worth and

believe that she could create the future that

she wanted.

In order to begin the healing process, she had

to believe that "she was more than her relationship."

She also developed the belief that because she

was here and alive on this planet, she had value

and worth as a person.

If you've experienced relationship crisis in your life

and just can't seem to move on, consider these

suggestions. They may help you begin your

healing process.

1) Never look at a relationship (or anything else)

that didn't work out as a failure. We believe that

there are no accidents. There are only learning

opportunities and that everything happens in

divine order. Even if it's painful at the time.

2) Give thanks for the lessons you've learned

and the growth you've experienced as a result

of being in this relationship.

3) Learn from the patterns of the past. Recognize

whether this is a "reoccurring theme" in your

relationships and life. (And then change)

4) As quickly as possible, move from the position

of blame and being a victim to one of curiosity and

hope for the future.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 12:50pm
This is the types of things I am looking for...

My goal is to heal, move on and learn, grow from this...and my side goal today learn ways to grow to feel apathy towards the xom. So hey if you have ideas on that one?? wink wink

Thanks GT


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 1:52pm
Good post GT - I enjoyed reading that - Thanks