The process of Moving On
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|Wed, 03-26-2003 - 12:44pm|
This Weeks Relationship Article:
"The Process of Moving on"
By Susie and Otto Collins
Someone wrote to us recently and asked "how do
you move forward when your spouse has cheated
and divorced you for someone else?"
This is the question we're going to address in this
Before we address this issue, it's important to
understand that the answer to this question is
not just about how to rebound after your spouse
cheats on you and leaves you. It's about the mind
set that allows you to rebound from anything you
don't want to have happen in your life.
If your partner or spouse has left you for another
person, here's the most important thing you can
do to begin the healing process.
It's to recognize that you may have many
relationships that come and go throughout
your life, but your intrinsic value as a human
being should never be judged by who you are
in a relationship with or even whether you're
in an intimate relationship at all.
This same thing holds true whether you've lost
a job, gone bankrupt or any other crisis we
Recently we attended a weekend workshop
and met John Alston and Lloyd Thaxton,
authors of the book "Stuff Happens (and then
you fix it.)
Both authors had come through personal crises
and their purpose in writing the book was to give
people tangible ways to rebound quickly from the
"stuff" that happens in their lives.
The important thing that we got from John and
Lloyd was pick yourself up when "stuff happens"
and move forward with your life in a positive
direction (even when things look bad.)
When Susie's ex-husband left their marriage
many years ago, she was devastated. She
found herself mourning not only their marriage,
but the activities and the life they had shared.
She remembers one day, several months after
he left, deciding that she wasn't going to dwell
on the past any longer. She was going to look
ahead to the future--her future.
In that moment, she felt like she was physically
turning her body away from the past and looking
toward a future of possibilities.
She also had to embrace her self worth and
believe that she could create the future that
In order to begin the healing process, she had
to believe that "she was more than her relationship."
She also developed the belief that because she
was here and alive on this planet, she had value
and worth as a person.
If you've experienced relationship crisis in your life
and just can't seem to move on, consider these
suggestions. They may help you begin your
1) Never look at a relationship (or anything else)
that didn't work out as a failure. We believe that
there are no accidents. There are only learning
opportunities and that everything happens in
divine order. Even if it's painful at the time.
2) Give thanks for the lessons you've learned
and the growth you've experienced as a result
of being in this relationship.
3) Learn from the patterns of the past. Recognize
whether this is a "reoccurring theme" in your
relationships and life. (And then change)
4) As quickly as possible, move from the position
of blame and being a victim to one of curiosity and
hope for the future.