Pulling My Hair Out!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Pulling My Hair Out!!
4
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 7:51am
Just got through the last 2 months of NC with xMM after he initiated it and I didn't protest as I knew it was the right thing to do. Then, last week after hearing at work that it was my birthday, (we work together), he uses it as the basis for the most erotic, explicit email/story that he had ever sent (entirely email A, nothing physical). Short story, both very married, 2 kids each, mortgages, blah, blah, blah. My question is "What the hell is he doing!?!?!? He sent the email to two of my addresses, yet claims to think that I would never read them, when I asked him why he contacted me again after all this time, he says he was afraid that things were going to go to far if they had continued the way they were and would get out of hand (whatever that means!!). If all this is so, why the hell would he contact me again and step up the level of intimacy of the emails??? I could understand if he contacted me to say "Happy Birthday" or whatever, but that was merely the jumping off point for the entire email. Says he was afraid to get caught back then and still is a bit!? Again I wonder "Why is he doing this again then?" I thought some of the vast knowledge that exists here could maybe shed some light on this strange behaviour. Also, when we are at work, his behaviour has not changed one tiny bit, neither before, during, after or now. I'm stumped

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 8:29am

Whoa, Mercedes!


Sorry to be so late on replying- I haven't been able to be on the board for a few days.


I wish I had some great advice, but I don't. :( That is very strange! My XOM would KIND OF do the same thing, but on a more frequest, but lesser, scale. He'd say we needed to cool it down and just be friends, then after a month of NC, he would email me something friendly, I'd reply, then he's reply something like "having a hard time staying away from you" and (of course because I was an idiot) I'd ask "really?" and then would come the dirty emails. I know it's not quite the same, but it definately sounds like these guys use friendly circumstances (wanting to wish you happy birthday, wanting to say hi, etc.) to start things back up. It also sounds like your MM feels the need to SAY the right things (getting out of hand, going to far) to keep your expectations down, but still wants to have his cake. Just a thought. Mine follows a similar pattern.


HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!


:)

Love,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 9:23am
****Again I wonder "Why is he doing this again then?****

Because he is a *JERK*. These men don't KNOW what they want, and tossing the baby out with the bath water totally deflates their egos. They NEED validation that YOU still want them, especially if they haven't heard from you in a while. Their brains turn into emasculating mush! "What? Can she forget me THIS easily?" Don't fall for it. NC is what you must do for your own sanity. Feeding his ego will only open up your wounds for more pouring of his painful salt.

CMG

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 11:02am
CMG-

You are so right on with why these men contact. It is so transparent that he misses the ego boost and feelings of being wanted and sought after that even my little email or contacts supplied, I am convinced that he is the sort of guy that completley wants a girl that doesnt seem to want him, then when she does finally show interest and want him he loses interest and moves on, this OM is 30, and I find it almost humourous how shallow and stupid he is to be attracted to women because they want nothing to do with him. Unfortunatly, I do still think about being with him, and it kind of scares me in knowing that having NC will only make him find me more appealing, oh well, he always claims he never plays games, but he does without even knowing it which is so much worse. I need to be strong when he emails me again, for some reason I seek his approval and it is eating away at my soul...It seems the men may be different yet all have the same pathetic need for ego stroking. Take care
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 12:38pm
If I could have a dollar for everytime my XMM said "I'm not playing games" I would be one rich chick! It is almost scary how close the similarities in these guys are! Mine does the EXACT same thing. Break up - week, two weeks, month later, get an e-mail starting with "miss you" (do they know how to play the game or what)and if I don't respond, then the cell starts ringing. I have caller ID so I don't answer, he starts calling the house. Which is terrible because 1/2 the time my H would answer and XMM would pretend to have the wrong number. Why is it so hard to see the obvious when you are in the relationship? UGH! Hang in there kleinekat!