In Purgatory _ Need a guide out
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|Mon, 01-21-2013 - 8:18am|
Hi! I just found this site last night and feel like it may be the lifeboat I need to get through what I know I must do. I am 41 and have been involved in an affair with a younger man who is married with 2 small children. I was married when we met (also with two children 13 and 11). We met online on a website for affairs (ugh!). I had been married for 20 years and knew that things were in trouble. Not long after AP and I started seeing each other, my H and I separated. It has been almost 8 months. I know intellectually that this relationship is a dead end. I have put energy into this man which should have rightfully gone to my children and to my job. When I read the words 'A fog' on here, I knew I was in the right place because I have been in a fog. I have had my head so far up this guy's butt I don't know what is reality anymore. I do feel addicted. I want to break it off but I am afraid of being alone. I know that I have to do this but I am a sick to my stomach at the thougth of not having contact with him. In the beginning, he seemed so interested in me and now I feel like I am just here to make him feel better. I just have never been with anyone like him before. I know everyone feels that way. I know this is nothing unique. Still it hurts.
How do I get to being done? I know I need to be there. I keep telling myself that my children deserve more of me than he does. I tell myself that my job is more important than this man. I tell myself that I deserve better than crumbs. It is like I am living in some kind of fantasy world where I think we are an epic romance that will last forever. How blind! What do I do now? What do I read? I am sorry if it makes no sense...I just wanted to reach out for help because I need to be done with this affair but I am not quite there...any tips, links or words of wisdom are appreciated!! I am reading all i can on this board and it helps a lot!