Pushing Through
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| Fri, 02-26-2010 - 10:19am |
I broke NC after 6 months as many of you know and this has been my 1st week back to NC. I was doing awsome, after the intinal WTF am I doing mind set. Yesterday I was feeling like yeah Ive got this handled no problem. I really feel even though I messed up, I have learned alot from the last 6 months. I know its a process , I know what kind of strength that it takes to get through the ininal NC...I felt like I was advancing through the process this time because of the last 6 months, make sense?
So, woke up this morning with minimal thoughts of XAP. I signed into one of my messengers to talk to some friends to distract me and get on with my day. He IM's me. What did the bugger do? He dinged me with a s/n Ive never seen before (but it showed his name as well) I didnt answer it. He wanted to know how I was and that he was sorry. I wanted to tell him to go to hell you son of a bitch!! I did block the new s/n.
But in reality, Its my fault. I broke NC, I let him back in my thoughts. I went and re read "what being friends really means"...that helped keep my focus for abit. Thoughts are creeping in...all toxic, so here I am pushing though them and reminding myself this too will past as it did before.
Speaking fo toxic...music was brought up on here and Im such a healer through tunes..Lada gaga - bad romance is my toxic thoughts for XAP today. Time to switch up the tunes?
I dont know if Im looking for advice or if Im just reaching out to my EAS community for support.
Thanks for listening
Debbra

DM~
>
Yep, it will pass, and as each day of NC goes by, those thoughts will become less and less. You will get to a point where any sneaky attempt made by him to shake your resolve will cause an eye-roll/shrug. He will start to look so pathetic to you if he doesn't already.
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We hear ya, and you will always have our support. ;-)
((Hugs))
~ Iddy~
~Iddy~
DM,
U keep pushing thru...you will bounce back faster...all of this toxic mess will move along faster than it did the first go round. Hang in there, you btdt. Stop beating yourself over breaking NC after 6 months...It has happened to the best of us, I can not say for sure it wont happen to me...although I am like Superwomen these days....U never know....I have learned to never say never. Keep reading....get off whatever im thing he has that he is able to get thru to you...Dont you have to be asked to be accepted by new screen names so people can contact you?
Go back to the basics...what worked before? what did not? Go with what worked before, if that does not work, think of new things...BLOCK HIM. It is harder when he is able to get thru to you, even if it is one way communication. DONT LET HIM THRU....use a different im system if you must use it at all. Hide yourself...I know you can do that. DO whatever it takes to get back in the saddle and riding that horse. I looked up to you for months...you can do this, you just need a little help getting back up.
Come on chica....u are bigger than this.
I am here to support you..we all are. No more im's. Get it tight and I wanna see your pretty pink flower glowing again, not just on this computer screen. ;)
Luvin
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Thanks Iddy for your support and all the gudiance you have given me throughout these last months.
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Yeah, hes does. More times than not I remind myself of who he really is, that helps me snap out of it again.
Debbra
Luvin,
Thank you for your kind words. I didnt expect anyone to look up to me...esp going through this. Now Im the one looking up to you,asking for the helping hand of others on this board like you. The support and confidence from people like you is what gets me through.
As for the IM thingy, it just allowed the IM to go through; so I blocked him and checked my settings and changed it to no one can IM me without being on my list 1st. I am going to stay away from the messengers for awhile (it seemed to help me the last time). Mostly because I always felt like I was waiting,even though I knew he couldnt contact me...old habits die hard.
Im so looking forward to next week, and the week after, ect because I know he will fade, I wont be held back by toxic thoughts of him; plus spring is on its way.
Debbra
(((DM))
>
I'm liking this. Always keep your eyes looking forward with your mind in the present. Every day we have is a gift and shouldn't be wasted on all of the yesterdays that have come to pass. I am also looking fwd to Spring after all of this snow we got this week. BUT...it's still pretty and purifying. It's all how you look at things.
Love and hugs,
~Iddy~