Putting the boot on the other foot

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Putting the boot on the other foot
8
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 8:33am

Hi All,


I have used Janes 48hr rule before posting following on from

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 10:14am

Hi NC,


I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of welcoming you to the board and congratulations on ending your A!


Your thread reminded me of something that hasn’t been brought up lately on EAS. Because of the addictive aspects of an A, our approach here on the board is similar to the 12 Step Recovery Program.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 10:19am

E1 seriously, when are you going to have your own television show? Book? I have a file filed with your posts. I would love a little bedside E1 book to pick up and refer to in moments of weakness or uncertainty.


You have such an incredible

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 12:08pm

Thanks for your kind words. I’m relieved you were able to decipher it in spite of all the typos. I did go back and edit. Looks like if I did write a book I would need a good Editor!


<>


Then I apologize for the amount of memory that is taking up in your computer because I know how long winded most of my posts are ;)


< from it and work hard to apply.>>


Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 3:18pm

If we all saw eye to eye on things we would never need to post anything new on here. We'd all be able to read a few post from the healing library and move right on. Wish it were that easy but Ive spent the last 3 months pulling myself together and working on why I even allowed myself to have an A in the 1st place.


At the risk of ruffling feathers here, I wanted to state my thoughts on the role that XMM's wife has played in my A.


I do not know her, I have never met her and I have only seen pictures of her. I was never in their home and the only thing that I know about her is what XMM told me. Yes, he may have lied to me about her just like I lied to him about my H. I made my H out to be a emotionally abusive and distant man who could care less about the state of his marriage when in fact the opposite was true.


But here is my controversial take on this.....we are all indivually responsable for our own individual actions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 5:48pm

I wonder when we will stop believing exAp's regardless of how many times they say negative things about their wives. It does not make them true. These men lie so much, especially if they are serial cheaters, the very fact that they are in A should tell us that their moral concepts are off (as are our own). They say anything to get us thinking it's all ok in A land. They get our pity...
It's obvious they are fine with whatever their wives issues are. They stay with em.

You asked for an opinion. Here is mine. If you are having an EA or PA with another womens husband you are dead wrong, period regardless of their vast or many issues. There is no free pass a W or H gets to strike up an A. More importantly, your responsible for her pain and you contribute to her unhappiness. I do not care if he has cheated on her 10 times and will continue to. You are responsible.

U know how many times she was waiting on him to come home to his family...perhaps all night...waiting, worried, how many times she called n cell n work to not find him because he was shackin it up with you...
This scenario does not apply to all situations...but no one on this board is going to convince me that I am not also responsibility for w's pain. Not being bullheaded. I am taking full accountability in all the lives I have hurt. Just cuz I never met W or make vows to her does not absolve me of my part in her pain. Full responsibility for ALL involved lies with me and exAp. N will they are not part of my life n I need to focus on rebuilding me n my fam, I will never lose site of the selfish n vain behavior that caused pain upon others. My remorse for hurting others drives me to wellness everyday. I can forgive myself and move on, taking full accountability and repenting...

Luvin

Can you guess how many times you took her time with him or his time with his children...so he can slip in u? He probably mistreated or checked out on her n has been distant from her...why? Because he had you waiting on him...

Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 7:28pm

NC,


E1 and Luvin did a great job in explaining that a person cheats BECAUSE they "chose" to, not because of anything their spouse may have done or not done. Of course the BS will at first wonder what it was that they did wrong, was it their fault, yadi, yadi, but this is usually do to the shock and devastation they experience in the early stages of betrayal. What they will come to learn is that they can be Bridezella on steroids, and STILL, it is not their fault that their S decided to step outside of the M and betray them.


Hopefully in 6 months from now you will have a better understanding of this, and if not, then you will more than likely

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 7:33pm

Hi E1 & GMLB,


GMLB - go girl.... u are not alone


Very eloquent, exactly the message i was trying to say,

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 12:57am

Hi Iddy,


New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,