Always, please stay strong and stay on this course. Iddy said something on here recently that really hit home for me..she said the memories are much easier to deal with than the on going drama. Always, its so true and as much as it hurts me, I can't ever go back to him ever again. Not only would contacting him put me back on the roller coaster but i could risk losing everything If I had a dday.
Leave the past a memory and work on getting YOU back.
I am going to give a big shout out to you and welcome you BACK!!!! Good for you! Thank you for your support given to me today. It has been a rough road. I hear myself in your words so much. I also had no dday thankfully and counting my lucky starts, I too feel badly for his wife, I too would never want him if I could have him! I will also admit I was too selfish to end it...(7years) and one day he just stopped contact 92 days ago. I didn't end it,a nd not sure when I would have...so for that, I need to THANK him. I lived without him most of my life and was HAPPY and I will be HAPPY again. I will never allow myself to be the pathetic insecure little girl I became because of him (well I am to blame to...so because of the A). It will take us a long time to forgive and regain our dignity back, but we can do this together...all of us here. We are all amazing women...who are human beings as well. Mistakes are made, will continue to be made, but we are HERE and that is the beginning of healing these wounds we made!! You should be damn proud of yourself...you do not need him to be proud of you! Congrats on making your way back and stay strong, through all the ups and downs that are going to happen! Good luck on this journey again!!!
Gmlb, such a true statement about the drama. I am simply exhuasted and just don't have the strength or desire to continue in this manner. I am going to miss him, at least a little bit, but I keep chanting "I was fine without him for 20 years!!" and that helps. It was time for this silliness to end. For good.
Healing, he really did you a favor by cutting contact. You may never have ended it and started to regain your dignity if he had not. For that, I know you are grateful. But wow. I can't imagine doing this for 7 years....these past 8 months have completely worn me out.
I am so disappointed in myself for allowing myself to get sucked back into the A--and all for my own selfish reasons. Not worth it. But we are all fallible. We just have to pick ourselves back up and carry on.
Wishing everyone a strength-filled and productive week.
I wondered what happened to you. I don't read the MAS forum and now I'm glad I don't. Seeing you there would have been very disheartening. I'm just glad you are back with us now, and I pray for you that THIS TIME you will be successful in sticking to NC.
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Good to hear, Alwayst. You are the only one who can do this regardless of the support we offer. The final outcome is and has always been in your hands.
Welcome back. Now, let's work on keeping you here. Please please please, come here and post and read as much as you can during the next few days/weeks/months. You know there is strength here. You know there are women willing to keep you accountable... and you know how hard the next few days/weeks/months are going to be. But Iddy is right, not harder than the ongoing drama because now you are doing this for YOU and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can do this- you can and you have to believe it with all of your heart.
Iddy, thank you for welcoming me back. Your harsh words some months back hurt and I retreated. They were true though. I was allowing myself to wallow in pity and trying to come up with every reason to stay in the A. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I started giving way too much back to him and...ding, ding, ding...the push pull started in earnest. Felt lower than I had ever felt with him. For what?? Good grief. I have so much more going for me. Can't believe I actually let someone like him dictate how I felt each day!!
I am good now. Yes, I will heed the NC because quite frankly, there really is no reason for me to be friends with him or speak to him ever again. I don't wish him any ill will, but he can get along quite nicely without me in his life and vice versa.
I will be successful this time because I truly want to be. There is nothing he can give me that is worth giving up my dignity, my M and my loving H. Wow. When you "get it," like I have now, you really GET IT!!
Thank you, Jane. I will read and post as often as I can. The next 7 weeks are going to be incredibly busy for me as a project I've been working on for 10 months is coming to fruition. I've begun receiving numerous accolades and I'm prouder than I've ever been, and thus feeling stronger and better about myself than I have in years. I certainly don't need xap to be proud of me or cast any type of taint over MY achievement!!
Yeah, I really can do this. And I promise you I will post here whenever I'm feeling weak. I appreciate all of you ladies so much for the selfless strength you give others while coming to terms with your own issues. There is nothing stronger than a woman.
Alwayst, Welcome back. I have thought of you often, as I do when someone vanishes from the board. Sometimes it takes a few tries to really understand the destruction that is sure to come with A's. I'm so happy that you had no dday. Your earlier post really resonated with me when you described the feelings you had for your H during the foggy days of A. I just want to warn you that even many months out you can be blindsided by fishing attempts, even if you have a plan in place. I responded to a single text message after 4 months of NC and the power I felt in the beginning after having responded negatively to him was so strong. Sadly, it only lasted about 2 weeks and then I started feeling sad and guilty. I should have come here first run it by the ladies. They all warned me that although I was feeling like I had the upper hand, I was sure to feel the affects down the road. Nah...I thought, not me, I'm doing so well, loving my H again, happy, content, then BAM! My mind started questioning, dwelling, etc. So, don't respond to anything. Stay strong. Stay the course. I am fine now with the private help of a few ladies here. Come here first... Wishing you strength and happiness with H and family. Love, AAI
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Always, please stay strong and stay on this course. Iddy said something on here recently that really hit home for me..she said the memories are much easier to deal with than the on going drama. Always, its so true and as much as it hurts me, I can't ever go back to him ever again. Not only would contacting him put me back on the roller coaster but i could risk losing everything If I had a dday.
Leave the past a memory and work on getting YOU back.
Hugs to u.
Gmlb
Hi Always,
I am going to give a big shout out to you and welcome you BACK!!!! Good for you! Thank you for your support given to me today. It has been a rough road. I hear myself in your words so much. I also had no dday thankfully and counting my lucky starts, I too feel badly for his wife, I too would never want him if I could have him! I will also admit I was too selfish to end it...(7years) and one day he just stopped contact 92 days ago. I didn't end it,a nd not sure when I would have...so for that, I need to THANK him. I lived without him most of my life and was HAPPY and I will be HAPPY again. I will never allow myself to be the pathetic insecure little girl I became because of him (well I am to blame to...so because of the A). It will take us a long time to forgive and regain our dignity back, but we can do this together...all of us here. We are all amazing women...who are human beings as well. Mistakes are made, will continue to be made, but we are HERE and that is the beginning of healing these wounds we made!! You should be damn proud of yourself...you do not need him to be proud of you! Congrats on making your way back and stay strong, through all the ups and downs that are going to happen! Good luck on this journey again!!!
Gmlb, such a true statement about the drama. I am simply exhuasted and just don't have the strength or desire to continue in this manner. I am going to miss him, at least a little bit, but I keep chanting "I was fine without him for 20 years!!" and that helps. It was time for this silliness to end. For good.
Healing, he really did you a favor by cutting contact. You may never have ended it and started to regain your dignity if he had not. For that, I know you are grateful. But wow. I can't imagine doing this for 7 years....these past 8 months have completely worn me out.
I am so disappointed in myself for allowing myself to get sucked back into the A--and all for my own selfish reasons. Not worth it. But we are all fallible. We just have to pick ourselves back up and carry on.
Wishing everyone a strength-filled and productive week.
~alwayst2
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlmyaffair/?msg=57561.13
((HUGS)) H&Y
Life is too Short ... A. since Mar 29th 2009
I lived without him in my life for 20 frickin' years!! And guess what? My life was JUST FINE without him in it!!
I can relate.
Alwayst2,
I wondered what happened to you. I don't read the MAS forum and now I'm glad I don't. Seeing you there would have been very disheartening. I'm just glad you are back with us now, and I pray for you that THIS TIME you will be successful in sticking to NC.
<>
Good to hear, Alwayst. You are the only one who can do this regardless of the support we offer. The final outcome is and has always been in your hands.
Welcome back,
~Iddy~
Always-
Welcome back. Now, let's work on keeping you here. Please please please, come here and post and read as much as you can during the next few days/weeks/months. You know there is strength here. You know there are women willing to keep you accountable... and you know how hard the next few days/weeks/months are going to be. But Iddy is right, not harder than the ongoing drama because now you are doing this for YOU and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can do this- you can and you have to believe it with all of your heart.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Iddy, thank you for welcoming me back. Your harsh words some months back hurt and I retreated. They were true though. I was allowing myself to wallow in pity and trying to come up with every reason to stay in the A. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I started giving way too much back to him and...ding, ding, ding...the push pull started in earnest. Felt lower than I had ever felt with him. For what?? Good grief. I have so much more going for me. Can't believe I actually let someone like him dictate how I felt each day!!
I am good now. Yes, I will heed the NC because quite frankly, there really is no reason for me to be friends with him or speak to him ever again. I don't wish him any ill will, but he can get along quite nicely without me in his life and vice versa.
I will be successful this time because I truly want to be. There is nothing he can give me that is worth giving up my dignity, my M and my loving H. Wow. When you "get it," like I have now, you really GET IT!!
Love and hugs to everyone,
~alwayst2
Thank you, Jane. I will read and post as often as I can. The next 7 weeks are going to be incredibly busy for me as a project I've been working on for 10 months is coming to fruition. I've begun receiving numerous accolades and I'm prouder than I've ever been, and thus feeling stronger and better about myself than I have in years. I certainly don't need xap to be proud of me or cast any type of taint over MY achievement!!
Yeah, I really can do this. And I promise you I will post here whenever I'm feeling weak. I appreciate all of you ladies so much for the selfless strength you give others while coming to terms with your own issues. There is nothing stronger than a woman.
Much love,
~alwayst2
Love, AAI
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