Q for the Head

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Q for the Head
3
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 7:40am

Happy Monday Everyone,

You know how once you decide that your life is OOC and you need to get it together and turn it around? Sooner or later someone will say, "It wasn't ever about the other person. You need to discover why you are attracted to 'those' types, and why you got involved in an A to get your needs met. And why you stayed so long even when you weren't getting your needs met."

Here's my question: if it isn't about the other person, why do we always drift back to talking about the other person and the relationship? Whether it's with a T or with a friend or here on the boards, why do we talk about the oher person?

Is talking about the other person part of the process, or is it a way of not letting go?

Thx for your thoughts.
--LG

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
In reply to: leviguy
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 8:39am

<<<< if it isn't about the other person, why do we always drift back to talking about the other person and the relationship?>>>>

I think they are referring more to placing "blame" on the other person when you do talk about them. Because having an "affair" is really about you and why you made the poor choice to have one. Something inside of "YOU" felt it was okay to intrude on someone else's marriage (or shame your own) by trespassing where you didn't belong.

Talking about it helps to figure out where you made that wrong turn. It helps you see the entire picture and not just the little bubble your head has been in for so long.

Sunny
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: leviguy
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 8:56am

Hiya LG,

Sunny's points are, indeed, valid.

Another aspect of the whole grieving process is in repeatedly telling the story. Turning it round and round, examining it and hopefully we get to ourselves and OUR part in our own downfall. Once we get here, and no use rushing the process since all stages must be completed, well, then we may really begin healing.

Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
In reply to: leviguy
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 9:16am

Thank you both.

I dunno...today begins week #5 of NC and I am in a MAJOR funk. I had a sneaking suspicion those last 4 weeks were too easy. I'm going to be worthless at work today. Not off to a very good start here.
-LG