Question??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Question??
7
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 9:50am

I am finally accepting that this is over. My question is this, why is there that tiny bit of hope that maybe in the future we might have a chance? Thankfully, it's a very tiny bit and evenutally I'm sure it will go away. However, I want it to go away now!

Why is it that even after it's over, you still wonder???

Doves

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: doves6
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:08am

hi doves,

i too still think there is hope in the future, OW already told me a lot of times that its over and there is no hope but i still believe in my heart that there is still hope

i dont know what it means, maybe its our way of holding on, it only gives me pain to think of it, i too wish i would think of it anymore, i dont have any answers either

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
In reply to: doves6
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:45am

Hi Max,

The problem with me is that MM is not completely letting go of me. He continues to tell me that there is no hope for his marriage, he is just having a difficult time letting go and getting through it. Yet he tells me that he doesn't want me to hold on.

I have not called him or contacted him, but he continues to call me?? He showed up at my job today! I couldn't and didn't want to see him. He is making this harder on me. I am ready to move on. Even though my heart still aches for him, I know that we can not be. Even more so, I don't think he'll ever be strong enough to "let go".

I don't want to reopen these wounds, I keep asking him to let me be. He tells me that he needs me, if nothing else, as a friend. Telling me that I am the only one that truly understands how he feels, since I had a difficult D as well.

I can't move on if he doesn't let go of me!!!

Doves

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2005
In reply to: doves6
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:55am
I completely understand what ur going through because i too have asked several times that my guy leave me be. not that i dont love him with all my heart but there is obviously something there that is keeping him where he is. i understand for men its about comfort and knowing and that the unknown is probably the most petrifying part of the whole process but until he is able to make that leap, it is up to us to be strong enough to tell them that we love them, but there is no place for us in their lives right now. and we deserve the right to move on and be happy even if their choice is not to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
In reply to: doves6
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 12:24pm
I read and insert from someone on here yesterday, I wish I could remember who it was and what it was titled but anyway it went into these stages and what stuck out in my mind most is if we are meant to be with someone they will be back within 60 days, this is with NO contact, especally from men this gives them time to realize that hey do want to be with you and that they want to be with you. So I look it this way 60 days no contact go on with your life and go through the stages denile,depression,anger(this is the good one your almost there) then the last one you no longer linger over the obsession of this person and it no longer bothers you to see this person or you no longer want to scratch their eyes out, your there, but if during the 60 days this person comes back, remember with NO contact then there is something there so I see it as a win win situation.
kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: doves6
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 1:16pm

hi doves,

i think i am like your MM, i cant let go, although i am single and ur MM is married he act almost the same

i am too emotionally attached to OW, u should have no contact, like OW, she kept putting me down and telling me there is no hope, she will not answer my emails/text or clls anymore , maybe u shoud do that, i know it is hard, im sure my OW is also thinking like u or somewhat coz i told her b4 i cannot let go and that i will wait for her

i know its os hard, i wish we all know the answers

for now all we can do is try to take care of ourselves, im trying to do just that but still its hard for me

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
In reply to: doves6
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 2:09pm

Katz,

I read that as well and TOTALLY agree. Now help me with this though, what do I do when something like this happens...

He called me hysterically on Monday. Telling me how he wants but can't be with me, it's vday, all that stuff that I don't want/but want to hear. I tell him one last time, to let me be, he begins to cry, we finally hang up.

Since then, he called once, Tues and Wed. Here we are Thurs, called my cell phone twice as well as my job. I didn't answer because I am committed to the NC!!

Well, I go outside for a cig break and guess who is parked by my car? I nodded my head and walked away, he got out of the car and said, I'm sorry I know I shouldn't have but I can't help it.....

What do you do when he doesn't allow NC???

Help, now that I am honestly ready for the NC and can actually handle it??

Thanks,

Doves

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: doves6
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 4:57pm

he is stalking u now !!!!

he must be hurting or playing games with your heart or just want to have his cake and eat it too at your emotional expense

take care,
max