Question About Attraction ....
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Question About Attraction ....
| Fri, 08-06-2010 - 12:42pm |
As I sit here thinking about things, a thought has come to mind;
Even though our A's are over, does that mean the attraction just simply goes away? See, I work with my XAP therefore have to see him from time to time (almost on a daily basis) and well, today I am sorry to admit but I couldn't help but think to myself "man, he looks good today".
Is that really bad? I even found myself reminicing about old times and I wonder if they (guys) ever think/do the same things.
See, in our A it was mostly based off of sex, sexual attraction (feelings were there, yes but that wasn't the MAIN base of our A).
Just thinking outloud and wanted to hear your all's thoughts. :)

Crazy -
It would be a heck of a lot easier if the attraction would instantly go away, or if our XAPs would suddenly turn in to ogres. I've only seen my XAP driving by in the car, so I'm sure it's hard to have to see yours at work.
Try not to reminisce - it will only lead to unhealthy thoughts, so keep it in check. :)
Bodhi
Hi Crazy,
I think the answer is no..... there are some ppl who just tick all the boxes and theres part of your problem. I dont think it goes as quickly as that.
But dont look at him and think
Just readjust your vision so that you seek the beauty within and not the beauty without. Or in the case of X's the lack of beauty within.
At the very least don't reminisce. And don't bother wasting your time wondering what he's thinking about you. Ok?
YOU are not "really bad" to think the way you're thinking, but the way you're thinking is bad... it's going to harm you. Still, it's very human - and I still look at my X and go, "uggggg. dayum." it sets me back a LOT. But, ya know, some snakes are really beautiful too; doesn't mean I want to pick them up!
Stay strong and keep moving forward,
Dee
Thank you guys for your words of encouragement, as I was sitting here doing my "thinking", lol I also had another thought; my sister once told me "thoughts turn into actions" and ya know what, there is a lot of truth to that statement.
I'm going to do just what you said; start looking at him and think; what a waste and what a jerk, I deserved much better then how he treated me.
Hugs
Crazy -
I have this by my computer:
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
:)
Bodhi
Attraction isn't a bad thing at all. Having an inappropriate relationship is. You wouldn't be human if you didn't look at the opposite sex (if you are hetero) and have an attraction. Some attractions are greater than others. Some ppl we have to literally never be in a room or private setting in because the attraction is so strong. I have worked with a guy whom I would NEVER, EVER be in a private setting with because the attraction I have for him is really crazy. Setting appropriate boundaries is how you avoid an A and learning how to behave even if we are attracted to someone. Part of being an adult and behaving is controlling our inhibitions. I suggest that you turn your head away from and run like the wind.
My XAP was an adonis but the humiliation and degradation I put myself was not worth any of it.
Mom,
you make a really good point about learning how to manage that natural attractiveness that we feel sometimes. I met a man yesterday who was just like that "Most Interesting Man in the World" guy from the commercials, sans the cheesy stuff and what not. Point is, I went "Whoop!!" on the inside and got all flushed, which RARELY happens to me. After this man left the meeting with my boss, my boss commented to me that this man was bowled over by me and I got teased. SO, (point coming)... when I had the opportunity later in the day to engage with this man re: some other issue... what did I do? NOTHING. I guarded my thoughts like crazy! I did not chase the rush and high of the ego stroke. nada. zip.
See? We Enders _can_ learn!!
Its the Scarcity Principle at work here. We want what we can't have. We want what is in low supply. We think we have to have it because we can't. When things are scarce, we could become desperate to have it. EVEN things we don't need!
In our society, we are conditioned by "get it while it lasts," "short supply," "this week only," and "last offer"! Remember just back to the winter when threats of snow send everyone to the grocery store for milk and bread even though the streets are always cleared by the next afternoon nowadays.
Instead of thinking of XAP as something we CAN'T have... think of integrity that we CAN have. It might help with those "wow he looks great" moments. Something might look great on the outside and be totally unhealthy on the inside.
Just a thought.
Amfree
Amfree
"Go confidently into the direction of your dreams! Live the life you always imagined."
~Henry David Thoreau