Question about husbands/ staying married
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Question about husbands/ staying married
| Fri, 07-23-2010 - 9:07pm |
Sorry, I've had to delete this and my other posts. How does everyone else on EAS deal with computers and privacy? Ugh.
Edited 7/25/2010 3:50 pm ET by serenity_88

Hi Serenity,
There is a thread under the Married OW/OM section called, "Intimacy Lost and Found. Give it a read as it may answer many questions for you. For future posts, if the subject is about husbands and/or your marriage, please start your thread in that section
~Iddy~
Hi Serenity- I will do my best to articulate all of the thoughts swirling in my head after reading your post. 1- Yes, it is perfectly normal to feel numb right now. My H never had an A, but I too built emotional walls and became completely unfeeling towards him. During my A, I made him out to be the bad guy in order to justify my own bad behavior, which is a very common thread for all MW involved in A's. That is not a switch I was able to just flip when I ended my A. 2- It is not a symptom that you need to get a divorce. In fact, I've heard it here often that you should not make any life changing decisions about your M for at least 3-6 months. This will allow time for the fog of the A to lift and for you to get back to reality. Until then, fake it till you make it. I hate that phrase because it seems so unfair to H, but in reality, it was me making a choice to give my M the best shot I could while I was healing and trying to get a grasp on what is and what isn't in my life.
I don't know if any of that makes sense. I too told my H everything about my A. I had 3 DDays, so I didn't really have a choice, but I remember recounting details of my A to my H with little to no regard for how it would affect him. It was cold and heartless, but that is where I was at the end of my A- a cold, heartless, shell of a woman. Slowly, I became to thaw. I made a choice to throw myself back into my M because I didn't want to walk away without knowing I tried my hardest. And the hard work is paying off. We have made some ground and at times, I have felt closer to him than I ever have. He knows the whole me- with all that ugly A baggage, and he loves me in spite of myself. It is certainly not all rainbows and sunshine. The A hurt him deeply... and of course, it hurt me too. So we are working through that the best we can and we dont' always handle our triggers the best way possible, but we keep on working. We've taken down the walls and we are slowly rebuilding.
I hope this helps...
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
....
Edited 7/29/2010 2:21 pm ET by serenity_88
~~Serenity~~
Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace. ---Buddha
((It was cold and heartless, but that is where I was at the end of my A- a cold, heartless, shell of a woman. Slowly, I became to thaw.))
Well said as always, Jane. I feel the same way. I used to be super-empathetic to H's moods and loved him more than life itself. It is so strange to feel nothing at all. I hate it.
I am taking advice...3 to 6 months...good plan. Jane, I read your blogs and thoughts on here all the time. Thanks so very much for doing all you do to help others with this pain.
Will keep you posted. Hope to have a success story like yours, even though it's not "all rainbows" (ha), it can work. Thanks so much.
~~Serenity~~
Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace. ---Buddha
~~Serenity~~
Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace. ---Buddha