Question about timing of dday- help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2010
Question about timing of dday- help?
12
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 11:46am

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Edited 5/14/2010 11:49 am ET by serenity_88

~~Serenity~~


Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace. ---Buddha

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 1:54pm

Hi livexlovexlaughx,


A late and belated welcome to EAS. I’ve been wanting to ask you what your screen name stands for?

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 3:29pm

Thank you E1 for the welcome :)

the x is the kiss symbol as in xoxo. Def not (X) AP LOL. I really want to thank you for giving me some food for thought and that is exactly what I need. I need to really dig in deep and sort through all this mess I made :(

I made the choice to go NC for many many reasons. I need to find myself again. I am so lost and so confused I am a walking zombie. I am only feeling one feeling and that is sadness. I cannot recall when I was last truly happy. Sad to say. I cant keep living like this anymore. I dont want to be someones option anymore. I am a human being with a heart and a mind not a blow up doll. And I DONT want to be a part of the deceit anymore that will cause innocent people pain.

But does my heart follow what my mind is thinking ..NOPE! I wish it would. I still feel the what if's and I still daydream what it would be like to be with him. I would imagine waking up with him everymorning in his arms. That is the fantasy. The reality his wife is living is he is gone till 3-4am with me while she is home wondering where her husband is. That could be easily me. Because he comes to see me does not mean she is any less by all means. I am a wise but stupid gal I have to say. I was and am (working on it) the first to run with my emotions. I believed that we had something special. Well by reading here so did everyone else LOL. Do i still live with the what if's EVERYDAY. Well it hasnt been that long. Been about a week LOL. Still raw. My sore is still throbbing :( Hurts like crazy.

I do believe in that saying set it free. I never did think of it in the way where he was not MINE. NEVER was.

I am better off without him. I have to get over this! My goal is to overcome without the bitterness and love myself once again.

I am working on the fantasy! That is the hardest part. I was driving home from work today and I was thinking about him and I thought the pain that I am feeling now is lesser then the pain I feel when in contact with him. Odd they both serve a different sort of pain. Only difference with NC and the most important for me now is not waiting and the constant disappointment I kept feeling. At least now I am not juggling different emotions. I am just dealing with me and my sadness now.

So sorry serenity.. Please continue with NC!!! Affairs are too painful and Im sure you are in pain now. It only gets worst if you stay. At the start of my A it was blissful. Than after a year I would say things started going down. More downs than ups!

I hope that I made sense. I have so much going on in my head and I really just started typing away.

I will def read "let it go' thanks for the link.

Thank you for pointing out somethings that I needed to see.

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