A question for everyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
A question for everyone?
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 7:02pm

How long ago did your A finish? 

How long did it last?

How often do you still think about your xap?


Avatar for Nowaynonownvragain
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2012
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 7:20pm

Ended my A - Oct 18, 2011

A lasted - just over 2.5 years

He still crosses my mind daily.....but the thoughts never stick around and they don't hurt anymore

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the rose flower sheds on the heel that crushed it. ~unknown

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 7:41pm

I ended my A nearly 3 months ago in mid-September 2012.

It lasted about six months (if you count the three months when it was purely emotional).

I think about my xAP several times a day - initially it was with regret/sadness/lots of tears.  But when I think about him now, it's not with the same level of emotional intensity.  No more "what-ifs", regrets or sadness.

I am much more confident and glad I took the control to end it.  Back then, I was living under a few illusions, which have completely disappeared now.

I survived the early days/weeks after ending by faking it until I made it (at least to people who did not know the truth).

I absolutely confided in my closest, trusted friends who helped me get back to normal.  They are my rock.

And also finding this support site was a god-send for me.  Being able to journal about my experience and share it with others, who have either been there and recovered -- or were still recovering like me, was so very helpful and healing.

This is very hard stuff, but it's not insurmountable.  A's are usually doomed from the start.  You must find the courage to press on each day and get past it.  You WILL break through to the other side soon and will be so much more happy.  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Hold your head high and *do not* waiver.  Do not go back.  You can do this.

Hang in there kiddo, and keep writing to us here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 8:25pm

Ended A July 16th,2012 after 3 years of close friendship followed by 9 months EA/PA. Was it an EA prior to the last 9 months? Probably. A few attempts of breaking up and getting back together in the last 3 of the 9 months.

 It has now been 5 months since A ended.

I think about him daily.  NOT every second, minute..even every hour anymore. But definately still daily and usually not with the intensity I thought about him before. He's. just. there. 


  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 3:58am
11 months ago I ended my A My A lasted 3 years I think about him daily. I don't hurt anymore when I think about him, for now I have stored him away in my heart, and every day that goes he takes up less space :-)
Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 5:10am
You are all such an inspiration to me, please please everybody continue to share with me, it's helps so much!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2012
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 7:27am

Ended my 2 1/2 year long affair on Oct. 1, 2012.  Still think of him everyday, but started to noticed I can go a few hours without thinking of him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2011
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 8:34am

How long ago did your A finish? 

Last physical sighting: 30 Aug 2010. Last exchange of emails: 25 Oct 2010.

How long did it last?

5 months + 3 months  with about 3 months of off/on NC in between.

How often do you still think about your xap?

Often every day. But as I said in a post recently after a long time, and as another poster has also said, it does not usually hurt now. It is as if my brain is still trying to process it for a final acceptance. I have just learned to live with it, and it does not hurt my enjoyment of life or my ability to do the things I want to do. Also things started to improve only after a full year of NC, and even then only gradually. In contrast, during the three month off/on NC, I was miserable, and going back into the A briefly only prolonged (and increased) the agony.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 11:03am

 My affair ended in March 2011. Affair lasted about 4 months just the physical part. I was the ender. The emotional part I am still trying to heal from. I am still trying to get away from the middle aged creeper. Do I still think of JAM yes sometimes but not in a good way like I feel all the hurt again. I have to avoid him at all costs because we are neighbors which sucks BTW. Everytime he runs into me he tries to sneak up on me and get a rise out of me which isn't going to happen.

Peace Love Andie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 2:15pm

My A ended 49 days ago..7 weeks to the day.

It lasted 3 years and two months.  There were some periods on NC during that time but it never lasted.  So honestly, I was still in the A the entire time.

I think about him all the time still.  Some days are easier then others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Sun, 12-16-2012 - 7:49am

My A ended a little over a year ago. It lasted more than seven years, and we were friends before that for probably three years. I do still think about him every day. In fact last night I thought about him way too much, to my detriment. (Waking in the middle of the night--I have jet lag--is the absolutely worst time to let him cross my mind.) Sometimes I have to tell myself, I am putting my brain in the brain hospital for a few days. That means my brain is in a nice soft white bed in a private room, with a guard outside the door. Anything Bad for Me that comes to the door, gets turned away.

It helps.

Seven years is a long, long time. I'm doing ever so much better, and there was a time when I expected that this A could only end in a complete calamity and couldn't imagine how I was ever going to get out of it alive. And I wished it was over so I could look back on it in relief. (Even when I didn't really want it to be over. It's hard to explain.)

As RBM says, I knew it was bad for me. I always knew that. And these thoughts--they are a little bit of a sickness.

I try to say to myself, You are here. Now. Be where you are. Otherwise you may miss your life.

Honesty. it's important.