question for MW seeing single OM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2003
question for MW seeing single OM
3
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 8:08am
I'm not even sure this is appproiate here. but here goes. has anyone here wanted the affair to work out. you know the fairy tale ending. does anyone here fantasize about ending up with this person insted of thier husbands? I must sound so silly. But I think about this and I havent even slept with him. OM had told me in an email that had I not been married he knows we could go out and have a good time. When I asked him If I were single with the kids would he go out with me. He basically said if that happened he would be the reason i would leave my husband. And he won't be THAT guy. I'm just trying to rationalize all my thoughts here. I'm so thankful for this site. I havent emailed him since sat. I think. Of course i have to see him tomorrow at work. and Sat. I'm trying.

thanks to all of you for your encouraging words. god knows I need them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 10:00am


"has anyone here wanted the affair to work out. you know the fairy tale ending."

I will try and answer it from my own experience. When OM and I started our A, I would often think about a future with him and then immediately push it aside because I would never leave H. I was very up front with OM about not leaving anytime soon. As our R progressed and as time went on, I actually entertained thoughts about leaving to be with OM more frequently. Could I have left to be with OM, probably, but I bet (and keep telling myself) that there would still be problems with me, with H, with OM, it would just be a bad situation all around. When D-day happened I still had thoughts of what if, but you know when it really got down to it, I was scared to lose H, and I wasn't willing to give up my life like it is.

Your OM is absolutely right, if you leave your H it has to be for you, not him or anyone else. It sounds like your OM has a very good outlook on the situation and for that you should be glad. Everyone likes a fairy tale ending, but they only happen in your dreams and this is real life and your life choices also affect your kids so choose wisely.

That is good that you haven't emailed him since Sat. you are going on a week and you can do this. Get you straight first, decide what you want. Have you thought of IC? I don't know how to tell you to handle seeing him at work because OM and I live an hour apart, but you can handle it. I will tell you stop it now before it goes any further, it just isn't worth it, I wish I had listened to many people before I did start my A.

Good luck and let me know how you are doing.

DAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 10:01am
Yes,i wanted it to work out for us.I left my Husband for this man.He was divorced with 2 children and i have 2 kids as well.I don't really have any "advice",just my own thoughts on this.For myself,i loved OM very deeply.I think,in some ways it even bordered on obsession.He took me away from all my responsibilities and stress of my "real world".When he and i were together,it was on the weekends the kids were gone...it was all fun and games.But at the same time i always felt so low and dirty for leaving my family.There was always a part of me that was hurting and in extreme turmoil.Even so,i couldn't walk away for some reason.OM had a hold on me that was unreal and it drained me of everything.To make a long story short,if i could erase that time of my life,i would.It was,and still is,the most painful time of my life.Just in case you're wondering,i was with OM for 2 years and it's now 1 year since it ended.To this day,i am in pain over it all and it still haunts me everyday.I know NOW that if i could've seen all this i would've ran as fast as i could when he and i met.Nothing that ever came of my affair was or is worth the end result.Good luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 11:10am
Hi Deb,

I think this is the perfect place for you to post your question.

You are in the initial stages of your A it seems. How romantic that is isn't it? Gosh I still remember it after all these years.

Back then I seriously considered leaving my H for my OM. I was so caught up in the euphoric feelings of first love, I wasn't thinking of anyone or anything but myself.

What a high that is! It wasn't long I even started referring to my OM as a drug, and I was the addict sure enough.

Somehow, someway I managed to move through that phase without completely distroying my life. But still from time to time, I toyed with the fantasy of a life with OM. And whenever I did that, I found myself even more crazy then ordinarily, if that is possible. ;)

Anyway, toward the end, when the roller coaster had become too much, and my emotions were tearing me to ribbons, I sat down and put my thoughts to paper. The pro's and con's more or less of the relationship.

It was impossible of course. But even more so, I found it interesting that I would even do that. Many years earlier, when I first agreed to marry my H, it never occured to me to logically look at my relationship. I just knew it was the right thing to do.

I guess I realized that there was no justification for leaving H. Over all he is a good man, and together we have two beautiful children who deserve both parents in their lives on a daily basis.

I also realized if I was unhappy, that had more to do with me then anything else, and I needed to take the time to work out those issues, rather then run off and repeat the same mistakes with someone else.

Oddly at around this point, I remembered something my dad used to say way back when. That if you are bored (and it seems a lot of these A's start because we are stuck in the every day routine of life) then you are boring! Well, that has got me thinking, that maybe it is time I found something to stimulate my mind, and perhaps toss some interest into my M.

;)

Ah well I rambled, just remember what you said, it was a FANTASY, and in the end, after you have truly gotten to know your OM, you will realize that is true. And then you will be sitting here just like us, recovering from years of pain, and horrible withdrawal, and picking up the pieces of the life you left to fend for itself while you were off flying through Never Never Land with Peter Pan.

*hugs*

Someday