question re: NC
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question re: NC
| Wed, 09-16-2009 - 1:49pm |
Been hanging around for over 2 years, but had to ask this:
| Wed, 09-16-2009 - 1:49pm |
Been hanging around for over 2 years, but had to ask this:
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Yes this is difficult for me too. Each time the man hurts me (he is neighbor), I want to go to him and tell him how mean and cold he is towards me. Thank God, I did not do this today, but it was very hard to stop myself from going over there and asking him why he needs to hurt me so much with what he does...
Why do I want him to know how much he is hurting me???
I think we all would have something to say or something to add
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hi Clover.
I understand your need for getting things off of your chest.
Hi clover9gal :)
In the beginning of NC, it helped me to think about things like this:
ANY single type of contact--be it an email, a short text, a phone call, or whatever--is an ego stroke for your xMM. EVEN if the purpose of your contact is to give him a piece of your mind or let him have it or call him out on his behavior, it doesn't matter--it's still an ego stroke. From our perspective, we think our ranting and raving at them will lower them a few notches or make them pay for their stupidity and all the crappy things they did, but most of the men we're dealing with will see ANY contact on your part as an ego stroke. As long as they know they're getting to you in any way, they win.
Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he can affect your emotions and your heart and soul anymore.
Silence speaks LOUDLY. My xAP once texted me, "Why are you doing this to me? Your silence is deafening!" (That was before I finally blocked him from my phone.)
If you need to rant, write us a post here as if we're your xAP and let us have it ;) But don't give it to him. He doesn't deserve another second of your attention, and it will only create more hurt for you. I promise. NC=No New Hurts.
-Juliette
by xxiced
Ah yes, that's true , juliette, what you said about SILENCE.
Silence speaks loudly. Silence is deafening. I need to keep that in mind too when I want to go to xAP to ask him why he needs to torture me so much with what he does.
It gives him an ego stroke. I need to keep that in mind
htgo
Hi Clover,
I like your eagerness to read :) And I'll be happy to give you directions to the "Healing Library". There are so many posts from others that came before. They have written
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
I spent a good portion of my emotional affair clarifying everything I said to him. I spent a lot of time worrying about what he thought. I agonized whether or not he was going to write and when he didn't I would fall apart.
I didn't end the affair, he did. And this is going to sound weird, but it was almost a relief. Maybe because I was reading this board already. Maybe because in the end, nothing was going to get solved, and it would never work. We have not been perfect on the NC, but the contact has been extremely innocuous and others have seen it.
Btw emacipated-dancer - I chant your signature quotes like mantras. "Sometimes silence is the best answer" SO TRUE!
Thank you dincal,
Believe me sometimes I want to open my mouth and just spew all the vile that boils up from time to time...I don't because it will not help me heal, it will not help me move forward.
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