Question for those in T

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Question for those in T
10
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 7:32am

I need to get back to therapy. I was going to IC for several months earlier this year but my T moved to another state about two months ago. She gave me the name of a very reputable T but I have just not called to make the appointment.

My old T was female and not very tough on me. I am a damn good actress and can be very good at dishing out some BS (I'm being honest here!! ;)) and she never called me on my BS. Like when I was explaining how exciting xAP was and how I needed him. She actually agreed!! She said he was vital to my survival at the time. WTF?? I think her point was that my A was causing me to examine my life and M and was going to be the catalyst for me making some changes in my life. Still, I just interpretted it as a free pass.

This new T she recommended is male. I hear he is excellent. But I've never seen a male T and feel like I would be somewhat uncomfortable talking to him about my As (yes, there's been more than one for those who do not already know).

So my questions is, do any of you ladies see or have seen

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 7:50am

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 8:17am

Hi Always,

That's a big step.

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 8:41am

JAM….Pov.

This is such a personal thing, and I think that most of us are unable to make a quality decision on T and who gives it to us.

Over the years, I have been to four different ones. Three PHD’s, one Psychiatrist, and was helped by all of them in different ways.

I am unsure if they solved any problems, but they certainly made me think about the big picture that my life is.

They were great listeners and sometimes that’s just what we need.

I honestly feel that women have it easier finding someone to listen to their problems than men do. Friends who you trust can be as positive influence as any T. Men don’t want to listen to personal problems of each other. Women seem to thrive on it.

A caveat that has to be reckoned with, their income depends on you coming back, so they tread a fine line to keep you as a customer, and not making you too mad to quit.

Always, I understand your meaning of “damn good actress” and I should also admit that I was a damn good car salesman. Used cars salesman at that. One of the main requirements you have to accept is total honesty with who ever you go to. It should be common sense that they can only help you if you are telling the truth, but for some reason we like to stretch the truth, or tell it as we see it.

I have no preference between male and female. I got something from all of them. I hope that I am honest enough with myself to understand what they were giving me.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 9:18am

Alwayst,

I was in MC with my 1st H with three females Ts over the years, then in IC with one of them, then a male after my separation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 9:38am
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 8:11pm

Hi,

I just started therapy last week and I have to say It is the best decsion I ever made.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 11:06pm
I am attempting to post from my brand new phone-which by the way I hate. Wireless access problems at home are driving me to drink. Oh wait, I drink anyway. Just a glass of wine. I promise.
Here are my thoughts on seeing a male therapist. When I made my first appt I insisted on a female because I have problems with boundearies & attachment. Therapy is a nost intimate experience that elicits strong feelings_sometimes toward your therapist. The tension between men *& women can be diffcicult for people like me who confusion & vulnerabilities in this are.
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Tue, 11-09-2010 - 11:11pm
I am sorry. I was unable to proof or finish my last post. This phone is jacked up. Anyhow. I have known several woman who became unhealthily attached to their therapists & were convinced they were in love with them. It is a sensitive relationship that I think can be risky with certain people, of which I know I am one. Lillie
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 11-10-2010 - 9:22am

Lillie,

You are wise to bring this

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 11-10-2010 - 10:26am
It was Dee who mentioned "performing" for the T and I totally got what she was saying. Until she called that out, I could easily see myself performing for a male T (or female, really)...for me, I would feel the need to be liked, to be smart and witty, and to be admired by my T. I would feel the need to put on a front showing that I'm not really that messed up. But you are absolutely right, Iddy. Performing certainly wouldn't be helping me at all, would it? Maybe I need therapy to figure out how to be in therapy!! LOL. Good grief. What a journey.
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.