Any motivation that pushes us in the right direction is good.
But, havign said this, i think hoping to impress xAP or hoping that he'll want us back, is actually harmful to our progress out of the A. If you're thinking about that it means you're thinking about him, and about him wanting you..Which makes sense but it's not helping you to focus on moving on. It's keeping your mind stuck in the A mud..Just my thoughts.
I hate when xAP acts like he wants me or stares at me. I want him to NoT like me. I want him to stop trying to tell me he wants me or loves me or whatever. I want it all to stop. Because when he does that i feel real bad for ending it. And i dont want to feel bad..i want him to forget about me. I
Mommy- Glad I'm not alone in my twisted thinking... I guess I'm like this regardless of who I'm going out with. I'm the type who takes alot of time to look good. But when it comes to a man you once lusted for, or even just have some desire to see IF they would notice you...it throws extra motivation. I'm sure that there is some deep rooted psychology behind this. I'm sure once I go to T, I'll find out what that "thing" is.... Something to do with codependency, no doubt. I know I suffer from that...
Waiting (this is in NO way meant to be insulting), but I feel like when you speak, you are speaking the voice of my Xap. You guys are of the same mindframe... and like I said DON"T get me wrong... you and my xap are also the GOOD people in our A's. My Xap was reluctant from day 1, and always was the one to pull in the reigns and say "Hey! This is bad. This is wrong, we have to stop". It was always ME pushing for more...and then he would give in here and there. Stupid of me to do that to him, or to myself...but its what I did, and now i"m left with this disaster to clean up. He would likely also say the same as you: Don't look at me like that, don't tell me you want me....forget about me and focus on your family. Those are all words that have come from his mouth. I could learn alot from talking with you.... You are a my window to the mind of the person of "reason" in the A! Thanks for your take on this.... I agree, focusing too much on looking good for him may be counterproductive. I'll be careful about that. Right now I'm clinging onto anything that allows me to feel human. I s'pose this is working for the time being... Likely won't last though!
but i can totally relate to what you are saying....wanting to look good, wanting him to regret, all of that is pretty normal. Wanting them to want you...if you TRULY feel good, and only you know that n when all is said n done, you cant fool you, then maybe its ok very briefly....
your motivation needs to be you and only you. not him wanting you and doing a double take....i feel ya trust me, I have wanted the same, but you will find that this may consume you more than you think and then its really not for you after all. Its so you get his attention....
Y would you want that? U answer that question....and then decide if this motivation is good and healthy for you.
feeling good about yourself is a good thing. the gym is a great idea to keep busy and take care of you....but the reality is, unless you take care of your mental state n heal from the A, no how good look you on the outside will only take u so far...
Thanks for your honesty - no i'm not offended in the least. I just feel really really sad right now.
I do find some similarities b/n myself and some of the xAP's that are being described on here - usually the ones the ended the A and hurt someone in the process.
Believe me when i say that i hurt So VERY much when i have to put an end to this A, it's been a few tries now. This is maybe my 3rd or 4th. Even now i feel myself breaking down just writing this. I WISH i didn't have to be the one to end it. I feel like i'm being punched in the stomach every time i have had to tell him to "not" love me or want me because i'm not part of his RL. it hurt me so much. and still does. i'm not sure if i can take it but i'm trying as hard as i can.
Any motivation that pushes us in the right direction is good.
But, havign said this, i think hoping to impress xAP or hoping that he'll want us back, is actually harmful to our progress out of the A. If you're thinking about that it means you're thinking about him, and about him wanting you..Which makes sense but it's not helping you to focus on moving on. It's keeping your mind stuck in the A mud..Just my thoughts.
I hate when xAP acts like he wants me or stares at me. I want him to NoT like me. I want him to stop trying to tell me he wants me or loves me or whatever. I want it all to stop. Because when he does that i feel real bad for ending it. And i dont want to feel bad..i want him to forget about me. I
Sunshine
.
Mommy- Glad I'm not alone in my twisted thinking... I guess I'm like this regardless of who I'm going out with. I'm the type who takes alot of time to look good. But when it comes to a man you once lusted for, or even just have some desire to see IF they would notice you...it throws extra motivation. I'm sure that there is some deep rooted psychology behind this. I'm sure once I go to T, I'll find out what that "thing" is.... Something to do with codependency, no doubt. I know I suffer from that...
Waiting (this is in NO way meant to be insulting), but I feel like when you speak, you are speaking the voice of my Xap. You guys are of the same mindframe... and like I said DON"T get me wrong... you and my xap are also the GOOD people in our A's. My Xap was reluctant from day 1, and always was the one to pull in the reigns and say "Hey! This is bad. This is wrong, we have to stop". It was always ME pushing for more...and then he would give in here and there. Stupid of me to do that to him, or to myself...but its what I did, and now i"m left with this disaster to clean up. He would likely also say the same as you: Don't look at me like that, don't tell me you want me....forget about me and focus on your family. Those are all words that have come from his mouth. I could learn alot from talking with you.... You are a my window to the mind of the person of "reason" in the A! Thanks for your take on this.... I agree, focusing too much on looking good for him may be counterproductive. I'll be careful about that. Right now I'm clinging onto anything that allows me to feel human. I s'pose this is working for the time being... Likely won't last though!
I agree with waiting for sunshine,
but i can totally relate to what you are saying....wanting to look good, wanting him to regret, all of that is pretty normal. Wanting them to want you...if you TRULY feel good, and only you know that n when all is said n done, you cant fool you, then maybe its ok very briefly....
your motivation needs to be you and only you. not him wanting you and doing a double take....i feel ya trust me, I have wanted the same, but you will find that this may consume you more than you think and then its really not for you after all. Its so you get his attention....
Y would you want that? U answer that question....and then decide if this motivation is good and healthy for you.
feeling good about yourself is a good thing. the gym is a great idea to keep busy and take care of you....but the reality is, unless you take care of your mental state n heal from the A, no how good look you on the outside will only take u so far...
hope u make some good healthy decisions for you.
Thanks for your honesty - no i'm not offended in the least. I just feel really really sad right now.
I do find some similarities b/n myself and some of the xAP's that are being described on here - usually the ones the ended the A and hurt someone in the process.
Believe me when i say that i hurt So VERY much when i have to put an end to this A, it's been a few tries now. This is maybe my 3rd or 4th. Even now i feel myself breaking down just writing this. I WISH i didn't have to be the one to end it. I feel like i'm being punched in the stomach every time i have had to tell him to "not" love me or want me because i'm not part of his RL. it hurt me so much. and still does. i'm not sure if i can take it but i'm trying as hard as i can.
Another sleepless night for me..
Sunshine
.