Questions about Therapy
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Questions about Therapy
| Thu, 02-18-2010 - 1:14pm |
So I am seriously considering going to see a therapist. I've never done that, and before now, have never really been one to think that it helps, but when I have bad days like this, I can feel myself being crushed under the weight of dealing with this all by myself (other than the fab people on EAS).
Anyway, how do I go about finding one for my situation?

I was nervous about going to see a counselor, as well. I started going back in June 2009 (only a couple months into my A). If you are anything like me, your H senses something is wrong and will probably support your decision to attend counseling. I had already had one D Day and my H knew I was miserable and suffering, so he supported my decision, actually encouraged me to go.
As far as how I chose- it's covered by my insurance, so I looked up who was covered, found a name I like (it was a woman- I knew I wanted to talk to a woman) and made an appointment. Walking in for the first time, I thought I was going to die. I had a panic attack in the parking lot and almost didn't go- but then I remembered how much pain I was in and how I really wanted to get to the root of it all (how naive I was back then to NOT realize it was the A), so I got out of my car and walked in.
I was amazed how easy it was to open up to her. I knew she wasn't there to judge me. She was there to help me and she couldn't do so without being privy to everything that was going on. So I spilled it. I told her about the A. I told her about my dissatisfaction with my M. And after that first session, I felt better. It was out there. Sometimes just talking it out and listening to your own story goes a long way. And, her feedback was great. She redirected me gently. Her questions brought me to new realizations. I knew then that I had to end my A, yet it took me 7 more months before I could actually do it.
I am glad you are thinking about going to counseling. It has been a big help to me- and Monday my H and I start MC. I am a little nervous about it, but I keep reminding myself that its a step forward.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Gal...
A few things,
Does your health insurance provide a mental health option? This is becoming a more common benefit these days. Some may provide a short series of sessions as a part of the basic coverage to help cope with immediate situations. When you call, there is usually a counselor on the phone that will want to talk with you about your situation.
Do you have any friends that are in IC? Friends are a good place to find a recommendation for a Therapist. There are also many web sites that provide a directory of practioners.
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=therapist+directory
You absolutely want to look for a therapist that can assist with your specific circumstances and issues. Give this a bit of thought so that you are prepared when you contact them. Obviously, marital issues and affairs are a key challenge, but also think about other challenges, such as "coping with stress".
When you look at the directories, many of them will provide you with a kind of "interview" that you might use to guide you when you are deciding if there is a match between your needs and their skills. One of the most important things in going into IC is to ensure there is compatibility with your T. It may seem silly, but simple things such as your comfort in talking with a male or a female, really matter.
It can seems strange to talk to someone about our issues, but it's also very liberating. Successful IC is dependent on it being one of the most trusted relationships in our lives. Don't underestimate the time it will take to develop that trust, but trust only will happen if you are willing to be open and honest. Your T doesn't know you when you walk in the door and won't be able to assist unless you introduce yourself to them. The more honest you are, the most successful IC will be. I will tell you, for context, that I have been in my current IC for 4 years and there are still some things that I am not fully comfortable telling my T. My IC helps me, but I know that I still have more to share if I am going to make further progress.
One last thing...
When you first contact a T, don't be alamred if one of the first questions they ask is along the lines of "are you currently in any danger of hurting yourself or being hurt by someone else". Recognize that serious depression is a major issue and they are trained to offer immediate intervention if the circumstances demand it. It's not a judgment of you...it's them caring for you.
Good luck and I hope you find the support you need.
MPV
Gal, I have never done IC either, so I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but perhaps you could just tell your H that you've been feeling down lately and a friend mentioned you should try IC, and you thought "why not"? If you hid it from him and he found out you had been going in secret, that might look suspicious. I've been thinking about starting IC too; my H has been encouraging me to because he can see how sad and screwy I am (though he doesn't know the main root of the problem).
It might be strange to divulge your innerworkings at first, but if you like and feel comfortable with your therapist/counselor, then I'm sure the awkwardness will wear off and you'll come to look forward to getting all those bugbears off your chest.
Someone on this board suggested www.psychologytoday.com; in addition to a lot of helpful articles, they have a therapist finder tool (you just enter your zip code), and it shows you what they specialize in, how much it costs, etc.
I hope that helps, and good luck! (((hugs)))
- Doe
As usual, I am amazed and humbled at the immediate support I get from all the wonderful people here. I have been thinking about this most of the day and am thinking I'll look into the insurance aspect and then talk to my H about it.